Double Negative

 

Because I can't not love you I do and the loving you doesn't go away, and the needing you doesn't go away.

The sun shines outside, but within your world it is all storms, it is thunder and lightning. We fasten on to each other until we unravel ourselves by our desire. My legs weaving spider-tightly around you, my mouth seeking your breath. Our eyes are closed, our ears hear only the soft purring of the air conditioning and beneath that, our invisible sighs.

We come together quietly, as if submerged in water. I dare not speak. Not even your name can safely pass this gate. Our eyes are closed, and we move in silence, focusing each upon the other, memorizing the lithograph of fingerprints, re-learning the symmetry of limbs.

My body, your body. Alabaster column of thigh, shoulder blades jutting out like wings. Everything as if for the first time, as always. I peek through a fringe of lashes to see if you are peeking too, but your face is closed in upon itself, like a shuttered window.

What do you like best about me? Whispered wishes sent through the night air like arrows. Reaching the ear of the other, drawing blood.

And if you had to pick one thing to take you with you on your abandoned island ....

Secretly wanting to hear my name, the password to get through the next level. But your mouth seems to have forgotten that sound, and you shrug, boy-like, ending the game. Crushing my heart , the petals of it slipping carelessly .. he loves me not.

Because I can't not remember you, I go through the motions like a dancer caught in the relentless rhythm of hours. I shave my legs, pass a comb through my hair, mascara my lashes. The ritual of days. But beauty has no reason if your eyes cannot see it. I haven't seen you in months and your face grows hazy in my memory, as if lit by candles.

One day I will not remember the exact color of your eyes and the constellation of your freckles will melt into the sky of oblivion.

The End

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