Ben had stopped crying shortly and smiled.
See, everything, as going to be ok. I hope....Things that the guys told me kept brushing at my memory, but I couldn't quite remember. What was it that was so important?
I didn't know. Ben stood up and I did the same, or more, stood up and then fell over again. My head was spinning and I just laid still with my eyes closed until it was over.
Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump....my heart was racing. I opened my eyes and laid my hand on my chest. What's wrong with me? I wondered, then became more aware of my surroundings again. Ben.
He was kneeling in front of me with a Sprite. Opening it, he pushed it toward me. "Drink," he ordered. There is no question when you're dealing with Ben. You don't ask why, you just do it.
I slid back against the couch and lifted the soda with shaking hands to my lips and took a sip. The liquid slid easily down my dry throat so fast that it felt like it was burning. But the fire quickly calmed and I was taking deep gulps, only realizing how thirsty I was.
"Woah, not so fast, you might give yourself a headache or get sick," Ben cautioned. I imediately slowed down and took only little sips, didn't want to be sick again.
The soda disappeared though and an almost awkward silence fell between us. "So...." I whispered, my eyes down.
Ben looked up curios from his deep thinking face. "Hmmm....?"
I took a deep breath. "So what happens to me now?" I asked, looking Ben bravely in the eye. It was a valid question, I wasn't going to be like this forever.
Forever....suddenly it was a scary prospect. Would I be like this forever? What's happened to me. But why did I ask that question, I knew...
I knew...what they'd done to me.
I had been raped...again and again and nothing could change that now.
I was no longer a virgin, and I hadn't had a choice. I took another deep breath and counted to ten."Anna, you ok?" Ben was peering at me sort of anxious. I couldn't smile, but I nodded.
That was the first lie of so many to come. And Ben of all people would never know it. No, I was not ok, how could I be ok with this darkness churning inside me?
No turning back, I thought. If I'm ok, let's act like it.
I smiled, "I think I should probably get back to school. I don't know how behind I am."