The words “I love you” were probably the worse things I have ever said. But I could never let myself care. I just wanted to get it away from me. I needed those words and feeling and nightmares to just drain out of me like useless sink water.  But I only wish I knew the price.

She sat next to me. Her night colored hair danced in the wind which was rushing pass us like it was afraid. Was it afraid of us? She leaned in closer. I could smell her lovely scent, so light and airy and sweet, like morning rain. Her sparkling, moon bright eyes peered into my soul, giving me shivers.

There was no decision, she was just a perfect, like a dream. She was so beautiful that I was afraid she was going to disappear and become to good to be true just like when Mama found me inside of her stomach, smiling and laughing and being herself. But then I turned “sour” and she realized I was no good. Only then, as I sat on that step in front of her house, taking the beauty she radiated from her, I could never imagine being “sour”  and I could never think of being hated by my own mother.

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