A touching, sad, love story about Jin and Jo, two lovers that were meant to be, but fell apart. (Read Author's Guidance!)
I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin. I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found out that I fell in love with him.
Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my undying love for him. And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other girls. To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl...
"Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?" I asked him, love showing pure in my eyes.
"I can't." he said stiffly.
"Why? You need to study at home?" I felt disappointment grabbing at me, and it was painful.
"No... I'm going to meet a friend..."
He was always like that. He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girl. The word love only came out from my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say 'I love you' before. To us, there weren't any anniversaries at all. He didn't say anything from the first day and it continued till a hundred days... two-hundred days... Everyday, before we say good bye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don't know why...
Then one day...
"Um, Jin, I..." I hesitated to say this, not knowing why.
Jin stared at me almost emotionlessly, "What... Don't drag, just say..."
"I love you." I meant it, I love him so much, he was my everything to me.
"...You... Um, just take this doll and go home." he shoved the doll towards me and left.
That was how he ignored my 'three words' and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared, like he was running away. The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many that covered the walls, and the floor...
Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with only him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call. But... Lunch passed... Dinner passed... And soon, the sky was dark... He still didn't call. I was already tired of looking at the phone all day. Then around 2:00AM in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.
"Jin..." I smiled at him.
"Here... Take this..." Again, he handed me a little doll.
"I didn't give it to you yesterday, so I'm giving it to you now. I'm going home now, bye."
"Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?" I stared at him, eyes full of hope, and desperation.
"Today? Huh?" I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing had happened.
Then, I shouted, "Wait..." I see him freeze in midstep. "Tell me, tell me you love me..." I pleaded.
"What?" he asked again.
"Tell me." I repeated myself, voice full of plead and love.
I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him. But, he just said simple cold words and left. "I don't want to say... that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else."
That was what he said. Then he ran off. My legs felt numb... and I collapsed to the ground. He didn't want to say it easily... How could he... I felt that... Maybe he is not the right guy for me... i didn't want to believe that thought, so I stored it deep inside my mind.
After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying. He didn't call me, although I was waiting. he just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house. That's how those dolls piled up in my room... Everyday.
After a month, I got myself together andw ent back to school. But what made the pain resurface again was that... I saw on a street... with another girl... He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me as he touched the doll... I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell... Why did he give these to me? Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls... In a fit of rage and anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him. He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to calm myself down wand walked to the bus stop, as if nothing happened. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that... It's going to end. Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.
"Jo," he called my name. "I thought you were angry, you really came?" he sounded a little happy.
I couldn't help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around. Soon, he held out the doll as usual... "I don't need it."
"What...? Why?" he asked me.
I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the raod. "I don't need this doll, I don't need it anymore!!! I don't ever want to see a person like you again!" I spit out all the words that were kept inside me for a long time, but unlike other days, his eyes were shaking.
"I'm sorry..." He apologized in a tiny voice. He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll...
"Stupid!" I hissed. "Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!"
But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll up off the road. Then... Honk! Honk! With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him. "Jin! Move! Move away!" I shouted...
But he didn't hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll. "Jin, move!" I screamed.
Boom! That sound, so terrifying... That's how he went away froom me. That's how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me. After that day, I had to go through everyday with guilt and the sorrow of losing him... And after spending two months in my room like a crazy person... I took out the dolls.
Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. i remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days... when we were in love...
"One... two... three..."
That was how I started to count the dolls...
"Fifty... Fifty-two... Fifty-three..."
I kept counting, counting the days we were still together.
"Four hundred and eighty four... Four hundred and eighty five..." It all ended with 485 dolls. I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. i hugged it tightly, then suddenly...
"I love you~ I love you~" I dropped the doll, shocked. I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach. "I love you~ I love you~ I love you~"
Those words came out non-stop. I... love you... Why didn't I realize that... That his heart was always by my side, protecting me. Why didn't I realize that he love me this much... I took out the big doll under my bed and pressed its stomach, that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road. It still had his blood stain on it. The voice came out, the one that I was missing so much...
"Jo... Do you know what today is? We've been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn't say I love you... Um... Since I was too shy... If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you... everyday... till I die... Jo... I love you."
The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked God, why do I only know about all this now? He can't be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute...
For that... and for that reason... to me... it became courage... to live a beautiful life...