But which way will you go? Nothing indicates that one direction is better than the other. You strain your eyes trying to penetrate the darkness. Anything would do, really – a clump of darkness just a bit thicker than the rest, a hint of movement, anything. But you see nothing. Then it does not matter which way I go, you conclude, and just start slowly stroking in the direction you were facing.

Time passes, but you cannot tell if it was a few minutes, or an hour, or no time at all. Your thoughts turn into gibberish, all regrets and "if only"-s. "Happy now, Lilly?!" you yell into the dark. I reached deep to get in touch with myself, and found nothing there. "Nothing!" you yell out loud, and then laugh, a clear note of hysteria ringing through the air. Now you’re starting to scare yourself. Better take a break and try to calm down.

You flip on your back, letting the water hold you, and try to relax. Head tilted back, you close your eyes, and take a couple of deep breaths. Feeling a little calmer you…

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