Richard- the BreatherMature

There have been so many along the way, which like myself were looking too strongly to find a connection. Richard was a set-up, my friend Becca decided her chances were even more minimal after the surgery, and my libido was crashing with the times I was too lazy to get dressed up to cruise the bars and the internet was yet to be created. (I sometimes think I missed out on a lot of sex not being single during the Internet boom) He and I were what they called a May-December romance but we hardly made it through August alive; it lasted just over four months. We were actually perfect for each other, I was a narcissist and he was an optometrist.

He worked for one of those one hour chain of eyeglass places, he did quite well for us. He worked and I spent his money, not to say I didn't work but writing is hard without a little motivation, he loved my eccentric personality and moved me in I loved that he had mirrors on almost every wall of his two story apartment except the kitchen and dining room, but who wants to watch themselves eat really. It was about the third month while eating i realized he lacked the ability to breath through his nose. It was creepy on a strange erotic level. He chewed with his mouth open but it wasn't disgusting at all, not like Cal (ewww!), it wasn't even distracting, it was subtle. When we did have sex, which was not very often, his condition caused him to be very vocal, now I'm into a little moaning but he went all out and when we were done he would just lay there panting like a dog, it was hot. He didn't snore strangely enough but i could not live the rest of my life with a mouth breather, you know wondering if i would wake up drenched in saliva. I dumped him for a man with feet the size of small house cats, what they say is not always true it didn't last more than two nights I think his name was Hugo.. oh well, he wasn't my type anyhow.

The End

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