I looked around the room with new eyes. I looked at every persons face with a recognition that was chilling. All these people are or were me.
I saw the me talking to my boss at my first job, unconfident and green. So naive into thinking that I had nothing but good times ahead of me.
To my left was me, freshman at Rutgers. I drank so much beer that I projectile vomited sludge at a tree ten feet away while the drunken crowd around me roared in cheer. That was the same night I sneezed General Tso's chicken all over some girls sitting behind me on the bus, clearly breaking the laws of physics.
To the right I saw me awkwardly dancing with a date at some high school dance. I can see the random thoughts second guessing every other random thought in a never ending symphony of cluelessness. It was like watching a comic tragedy unfold but the end result was so anti-climactic that the real tragedy was having to watch it again.
All these people were once me and are now still here locked away in this cavern that clearly represents my forgotten past, or more likely the past that I want to forget.
"It's all here, every last embarrasment... every stumble, every fall", startled I turned around and saw Seth again.
"Every rejection, every single god damned idiotic thing you ever said. It's all still here locked away in this meat shell", he rapped his knuckles on my head, "...for you to enjoy over and over again like a psychotic masochistic torture fest that follows your incoherent brain wherever you go."
He went on, "I'm stuck in here with this ridiculous stream of self-doubt and half-assed attempts at arbitrary accomplishments. Why don't you grow some balls, John? Why don't you grow a pair and really accomplish something with this meat sack life you got?"
Stunned at the rawness of the verbal assault, I was at a loss for words. I guess that's irony since Seth is part of me, those were actually my words. I'm berrating myself!
"You know better than that, John. Ego is the manifestation of all that is negative in you. You know this even if you're playing ignorant.", Sarah breathed comfort into my ears. I can feel her warm, subtly sweet breath as she stripped away the ignorance game we all play.
I sat down on the floor, letting go of the conversation and just remaining still for a moment.
After a time, I looked up at Sarah, "I have my inner voices fully realized, embodied in digital vessels for me to interact with."
Sarah nodded and smiled as I continued, "So let's play a game. Let's play the therapy game at this level with direct answers from my Ego and my subconscious higher self."
Sarah bounced and clapped gleefully, "Now we're talking, John!"