UndecidedMature

Later that night, after Demetri dropped me off, I paced back and forth across my room with my phone in my hand. I had to call Michael. I had to clear things up. I dialed the numbers and my hand was shaking as I was doing this. “Hello? Kallie?” Michael’s voice sounded surprised. The background was quiet this time. “Y-yes.” I stammered. This was hard to do. “You ready to talk?” I closed my eyes and sat on my floor. “Yes.” I said again in a plain tone. “Listen, I moved to a real school. I’ve met other people. Great people. Not better than you, never. We can still be best friends…and maybe you’ll get transferred to. Who knows? But I still love you, I always will. Never forget that. I don’t want to hurt you, physically and emotionally. But…we can’t really see each other and I don’t know if I could really deal with that. I am sorry, Kallie.” All of that hurt me more than his horrible words when he said it was over. I didn’t know what to say. I hope I could actually say something.

“I don’t know what to say, Michael.”

“Just say that you love me too and that you forgive me and that we can be best friends still.” I opened my eyes and a single tear fell from my eye onto my jeans. Making a dark spot on my leg. I rubbed the spot where my tear fell and continued on talking. “But what if it isn’t true? What if I can’t love you? What if I can’t forgive you? And what if I can’t be best friends with you?” I didn’t want him to hang up. I had to keep him on the phone. “Michael, look…I’m sorry. But I do love you, okay? There is no way anyone can change that. It’s just that I can’t be a best friend to you as much as I’d like to. We have been through way too much for it to go back to the way it was. And I cannot forgive you for what you have done to me. I’m sorry if that sounds bad but it’s true and I’m not lying here.” All of these hurtful words, I couldn’t take it. This was far too much for both of us to handle. “Okay. I understand, maybe…maybe someday we can try this again. I love you, bye.” There was a short pause. He breathed out a gust of air. “See ya, Kallie.” And then I heard a click and he was gone. I dropped my cell phone on the floor beside me and sat there with my arms wrapped around my knees. I thought and thought. What if I never got Michael back? He was the love of my life and I needed him. There was no way I would ever want anyone else but him. No way I could be with anyone else and be happy. I would just think of Michael and want him more and more. But…I guess I could just try and be happy, just try and forget about him. I heard my sister talking to my mother about school. She was my age, she was normal, and she was perfect. Madison is the most perfect sister anyone could ever have, even though we are total opposites. But she actually goes to a normal, public school. She also is the girly type. But everyone likes her anyway. I have dark hair while she has blonde hair. She has all the friends and boyfriends; I have barely any friends and obviously no boyfriend anymore. That doesn’t bother me though, all the friends and attention and what not. I just care about how messed up I am and how good Madison is. How could I have possibly turned out this way? Still, I don’t really care, I just need my new friend Demetri and Michael. I finally fell asleep thinking about the worst of things and woke up on my floor. My phone started vibrating. I answered it. “Hello?” You could notice I just woke up. “Kallie! Meet me outside.” I couldn’t tell who was on the other line. I hung up and ran outside. When I was on my steps, I smiled. Michael. I ran to him and jumped in his arms. “What are you doing here?” I whispered in his chest. “Hanging out. We can still be friends. We just need to catch up and stuff.” I let go of him and led him inside. “Your house is still the same, I see.” He laughed quietly. “My room won’t be much of a surprise to you then.” I had no humor in my voice what so ever. We both sat on the floor at the end of my bed. “So how is public school?” I stared at my floor. “I met this girl, her name is Alicia. She is great. We’re hanging out later. And I’ve made some awesome friends. The work is easy and the teachers sort of suck but that’s school.” He sounded so enthusiastic. “My school is still pretty bad. We have a new kid. His name is Demetri. We’re friends.” I didn’t want to look at Michael because my eyes were watering. “So you like him?” His happiness faded. “No. Nothing like that.” I secretly wiped my eyes and looked at him. Everything was perfect about him. I had to look away quickly because I felt tears coming. “I miss you.” I whispered. I watched as my tears fell to my floor, making little darker dots than the rest of the carpet. I felt his eyes on me. “Kallie, please…don’t make this harder than it already is. I am surprised I even came here to see you. I don’t like this, leading you on.” He got up. “Don’t leave.” My voice cracked from me crying. Tears fell down my cheeks, streaking my skin with wetness. He wiped away my tears, didn’t say another word and left. I watched his car go by my house and down the road. I blew this, like I always do. I forgot that today was a Saturday so I couldn’t talk to Demetri until Monday. I fell asleep soon after watching Michael leave. My phone’s vibration woke me again. This time an unknown caller was calling my phone. I answered it anyway. “Hello?” I sounded confused this time. “Kallie, it’s Demetri. Can I come over?” I wonder what he wanted. “Sure.” And I hung up the phone. I brushed my hair and changed my clothes. Demetri was here after a few minutes of talking on the phone. “I was just bored.” He followed me to my room. “Oh. Yeah, me too.” I tried to smile but it didn’t work out so well. “Michael came over a few hours ago. I told him I missed him and he got upset and left.” My tone was depressed. I could tell and Demetri could tell. “Look, maybe it’d be best if you moved on.” He quietly told me, and then looked up to see my expression. I could tell the look on my face was neutral. “Look, I’m sorry. Do you want me to leave?” He stood up but I pulled his arm and he sat next to me where I had sat when Michael was here. I rested my head on his shoulder. We sat like this for a long time; I didn’t know what to do. But I knew I must have fell asleep because when I opened my eyes again Demetri wasn’t there and I was on my bed. I checked my phone. I had two messages and one missed call. I had a missed call from Madison, a message from Demetri and a message from Michael. I call Madison back and all she wanted was a ride, like I could drive. Demetri said he was sorry for leaving but didn’t know what to do. And Michael said he was sorry for earlier today. I lied there in my bed for a while, staring at the ceiling. I wonder if Michael and I were really going to have something in the future. I hoped so but tried to take my mind off of that for now. I closed my eyes and fell back asleep. I dreamed of lying on top of a car hood by myself at a park. A figure was standing far away in front of me but I couldn’t figure out whom it was. I tried to run to it but before I could make out whom it was I woke up to my mother and sister fighting. I got up and decided to take my mother’s car somewhere. I quickly sped to Michael’s house; I knew that something was still there between us. I knew he wanted me and I know I wanted him too. Once I got there I could see that him and his brother was there by themselves. He came outside to see who was here and I jumped out of the car and jumped into his arms. I squeezed my eyes shut to prevent the tears from coming out and staining Michael’s shirt. He grabbed my waist and whispered something in my ear, “I’ve missed you.” Those words stayed in my head for a while. He gave me a kiss on the lips and we went for a ride. When we left the car windows were fogged up and even though it was fall, it was hot in that car. I guess nobody would want to imagine what had happened, but I knew that Michael and I would last this time. He dropped me off at his house and I drove my mother’s car home. I flopped on my bed and went to sleep again and didn’t wake until it was time for school. I loved having Michael back, it was the best and I couldn’t be happier. I got ready happily and had my mom take my sister and me to school. All of my classes went by smoothly. Nothing could bring down my ecstatic mood. At lunch Demetri sat by me and stared at me for a long time. “What could you be possibly so happy about this morning?” He asked as he took a bite of a carrot. “Michael and I are dating again.” I said with a surprisingly happy tone. “Oh, really? That’s great.” He looked down at his food. I took my tray to the trash; I decided I wasn’t hungry after all. My positive attitude suddenly faded. Demetri looked pretty sad about Michael and me. I wonder if he was worried that I’d get hurt again. I went to sit across from him again and I caught him staring past me. I didn’t bother looking back, but I asked what he was looking at. “Nothing.” He laughed quietly. I cocked my head to the side out of confusion. “Demetri!” I whined and hit his arm lightly. “Okay, fine. I was staring at the girl…sitting right over there.” He secretly pointed to a small girl sitting alone at a lunch table. She must be new; I have never seen her around though. “What’s her name?” I looked back at Demetri. “Jordan.” He smiled slightly. I became jealous for some reason, or was it because I was just desperate for someone to pay attention to me? I looked back at her. She had shoulder length brown hair. Her bangs went over one eye and she had a lip ring. She was wearing a black shirt with some band on it with a white long sleeved shirt under it. Her pants looked to big on her small legs and they had to big holes in the knee. She was so small…it seemed like even with the lightest touch she would break. I looked back at Demetri, then down at the table. I traced the lines of the places where people carved things into the plastic tabletop. The bell rung and I didn’t notice it until Demetri pulled on my arm. That new girl, Jordan was in my next class. She sat right in front of Demetri. I texted Michael the whole time and he was waiting for me at my house, he skipped school again. Thank goodness this was my last class. I couldn’t bear to watch Demetri talk to Jordan anymore…not because I liked Demetri but because it was annoying. He tried so hard and she fell for it. Or maybe it was because I was only jealous of her pure beauty. I ignored it and did my work so I wouldn’t have any homework today. When I got home Michael was waiting in the driveway with a frown on his face. He grabbed my hands; I was prepared for the worst. “Listen, I love you. I always will, remember that. But I have to leave for a while, my mother…she isn’t doing well and I have to go to a hospital all the way up north for months. I have to break up, I am not sure if I’m coming back. I’m really sorry for hurting you.” He kissed my cheek and left. I dropped my books and fell to my knees. What was happening? I touched my palm to my cheek; a single tear fell to the dirt, making a dark circle from the wetness. I stayed there, frozen for a long time. This was not even real. Somehow it didn’t hurt…I couldn’t feel anything. I just felt lost. I went inside and left my books in a pile on the ground. I took a knife and put it to my arm, I pushed it down and yanked it across my arm. I didn’t to it to inflict pain on myself; I just wanted to see if I could feel anything. I couldn’t. I was numb and I just watched blood flow out of my arm. It dripped to the floor. I went to the bathroom and put my arm under the faucet. The water and the sink turned from clear to red as I washed the blood away. I also cleaned the knife off and slid it under my bed. I was happy nobody was home to see that; they’d probably be worried. I sat on my bed staring at the wall. I came home to my sister and my mother fighting. I’m going to be entertained for a few hours. My cell phone started vibrating and I fell off my bed to answer it, it was Demetri. “Hello?” My voice was blank. “Kallie? Yeah…what are you doing?” He sounded so happy. “I am sitting.” Again, I sounded like a robot, monotone. “Well, you sound upset. I’ll talk to you later.” He hung up and I dropped my cell phone to the floor. I decided to skip school for a while; I just couldn’t stand to go anymore. That night when everyone in the house was sleeping I decided to sneak out. I didn’t even know where I was going but I had to run away somewhere. I grabbed my backpack and dumped everything out of it and put clothes, food, and any other necessities I might need. I climbed out of my window and I almost forgot my cell phone and the charger. I also grabbed all the money I had which equaled up to one hundred dollars. I guess that would be good for now. I walked by Michael’s house and I guess his whole family had already left for the hospital. I walked by Demetri’s house and knocked on his window. He came to his window already dressed, where was he going? “Kallie?” Demetri had a confused look on his face. “I was just sneaking out to a party, would you like to come?” A smile slowly spread across his face. I put my things in his room and we ran off to the party two blocks away. “Whose party is this?” I asked as we walked to the door. “Jordan’s.” He smiled and opened the front door.

The End

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