I think the name says it all!
Not neccessarily a true story ;-)
Woke up today to find Coco Chanel, my sausage dog had eaten half of my favourite pair of shoes. The parents woke up to alot of screaming and Coco Chanel running away from me into their room and then wetting herself on the cream carpet by mams wardrobe.
I suppose it would have been bloody hilarious, had it not been for my dishevelled patent courts and mam going purple with anger and blamming me. It wasn't my fault, it was Coco, I didn't make her eat my shoe or pee on the carpet.
But mam blames me for everything and I am not even being dramatic when I say that!
Like last night, we were watching Britains Next Top Model when she spilt her wine all over her top, which is steam clean only, of course it was my fault because I made her laugh by taking the mic out of the scouser models accent.
See...how was that my fault? My mother shouldn't shake so much when she laughs.
Anyway, so my day started awfully and dad wouldn't shut up with his jokes that we should have called Coco Chanel, Janny Choo, but I shut him up by telling him the shoe designer is called Jimmy Choo and Coco Chanel is a girl. I slammed the door and then had to go back for my purse when I realised I had been having such a hissy fit I hadn't grabbed it of the side of the bench.
Then my bloody heal broke.
Why is it always me?
I meen, I'm not even that thick, I'm Blonde, so it's not good all of these little 'moments' because then everyone thinks I'm just a stereo-type, which I am sooooo not....I'm not!!!
Getting into school I had a heart-stopping panick attack, turns out nobody tells you about mock exams. Sally, my bff said they do, did in fact, however I was to busy searching for my Chanel eyeliner which had fallen through the lining in my purse I didn't hear. I demanded why she didn't tell me after that.
She did, three times.
What can I say, the world wants me to fail my mocks? That must be it. I heard that loads of really clever people, like Paris Hilton or someone like that, believe in Cosmic Ordering, so maybe I should try that? Don't ask, never get.
I'll try it.
In fact, I did. Before I went into my first exam I closed my eyes and said, "Universe can you make me pass?" like a hundred times, Mr. Brambles my head of year grabbed my wrists and pulled me into the exam hall, which I'm so getting my parents to sue him over, so it's totally his fault if I fail cause the Universe won't have been able to process my order cause I was interupted. Like when you make a big clothing order online and then you have the stuff in the basket too long, or you go away and your stupid mother has turned the internet of instead of the tv and then your order doesn't go through.
Like I said, The World Is Against Me.