Oily Follicle

Dear Cap'n

D a rrrrrr!

Ahar, cap'n... Cap'n I believe I'm in terrible D'yarrrrr! Terrible pain sir, terrible pain.

Ohhh, it be the legs sir, the legs! Garr they be aching sir!  I tell ye the firs' was sufferin' enough on me poor frail figure sir, but... Well sir to be wok'n up in the middle of the night and DYARRRN HARRR! Ohhh, to be woken up an 'ave the other lopped off without me knowin', well it ain' right sir!

Strickly speakin' I wasn' even woken up till af'er the bugger had gone an chopped it off. Not even a bandage sir!

Well, I get my new leg sir, and dyarrr! Not wishin' to question ye yer honoured capt'n'ness, but I believe it to be but a flimsy leg from that stool you've never liked cap'n sir. Ooh! I be grittin' me teeth in the pain!

I don' mean to make a fuss, but its jus'... It's jus' ther sparra, sorry yer honour, the parrot keeps on peckin' me wound sir, an' every bleedin' step sir is a nightmare, as one's abouter good cupla inches fromthefromtheDy'oooooaaaaar! One's abouter good cupla inches diffrence from the other, an' there be splinters an' everythin' sir. I only cut the first one off and painted the old sparrow so as to seem more piratey sir, since I always a heard ye sayin' how unpiratey we all were. Twas all for your sake, cap'n.

Now I've written this by moonlight so as not to use up a flame. And from the looks of it a boats approachin' with a letter too! I'd better wake you up cap'n! Please sir, please read this letter capn. You are my cap'n o' course, but if I could mayhap speak to yer about a new leg, well...

yer deares' friend in splintered, bloody agony

O. Follicle

The End

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