He paced behind his desk, muttering. "Ian, you lazy... where are you?" he hissed under his breath.
As if in response, his lackey Ian burst through the door, out of breath and with a precarious armload of papers.
"Well? You got'm?"
"Yes sir, Parker sir"
"Took long enough," he grumbled. "A day late, Ian, a day late!"
"I'm sorry, it couldn't be avoided." Ian's face went red. "They were all just too good."
Parker waved away his excuse. "Let's see them, then. They better be good, what with all the time you took."
Ian dropped the stack of papers onto the desk. "Three weeks and thirty-five entries have come in, all brilliant. I had to break many of them into categories."
"Well, get on with it!"
These sudden bursts of fury always made Ian nervous. "W-well, there was one Villain with Great Potential. Y'know, like things could really spiral into chaos? That would be... A Waste of a Man, by RumBuzzJack. I also saw quite a few cases of great Villain Evolution: Little Assain Girl, True Life: I'm a Villain, and Buried. And those were by bluejay, angryferret74, and fluffycrow."
Parker nodded in satisfaction. "Good to see that mischief will keep on going."
"Yes sir," Ian answered with very little conviction. He hoped it wasn't noticed, and continued. "There was quite a bit of Realistic Villainy floating around, too: The Bad Seed, the handiwork of Wyatt Aarp, NightMaiden was responsible for The Price of Honor, and seldom did Idiot. But the one that really stuck out here was moonwalker's Bullies." He paused to brush away a tear forming in his eye.
"I Am Sent for One Thing Only, that was by JinnDal, seemed to be showing a regretful antagonist, but an antagonist nonetheless."
"A necessary evil, I daresay?"
Parker sat down, leaning back thoughtfully. "Good, good... all very good so far, Ian. Anything shocking? Any shudder-inducers?"
Ian swallowed uncomfortably. "I was just getting to those, sir."
"Well, let's have them, then! I haven't all day!"
He nodded frantically, fumbling with his list. "Yes. Well. I was most shocked by the demons of Blaine and The Demons, Exocutioner, the actions of The "Grinch" Stole Christmas, and especially The Assassin in the Mirror."
"Ah, the work of aryst0krat, Emma-Rose, JinnDal, traxisk, and DistantSmoke," Parker said fondly. "It's always good to jolt them, y'know Ian?"
"All too well, sir. There were quite a few that made me shudder."
Parker let out a shout of laughter. "It doesn't take much to make you tremble, Ian!"
"Well, I can be pretty tough to shake when I'm reading something," he retorted weakly.
"Ah, no matter."
"A Voice that Caressed You, the work of LaineGrey, left the most to the imagination. The Confession, brought in by ganga, turned tables so quickly, and the brutality shook me. Father, Brother, Secret Lover, by darkliquid, was just twisted. No Regrets, from cheshiregrin, was also chilling. But out of those, the most gut-wrenching was Poorly, by TashaNoble."
"I've noticed that all of these so far have been villains of a rather conventional sort."
"Interesting you should mention that, sir, I was just about to list the Unconventional Villains. Microsoft Vista, by smac972..."
"Stupid Windows, I can relate."
"...The Breath Snatcher and The Bus Driver, as told by DistantSmoke..."
"I've never had much of a passion for cats, or any animal for that matter."
"...Requiem for the Devil, by THX0477..."
"It's true, we are doing his work for him!" he input with a snicker.
"...The Worst Villain of All, by d.f.m..."
"Ah, the whole pollution issue. Reason I don't like cities much, Ian."
"...Missah Fossah's Mortal Toil, composed by uselessness..."
"Brilliant vernacular, I'd say, with the right amount of voodoo-witchcrafty-nonsense mixed in."
"... but I'd say the most tongue-in-cheek would be ganga's From the Mountains of Terror."
"I've noticed Ian," Parker said in a low voice, "that you've been sidestepping the most evil, the most sinister... the most diabolically villainous, if you will." He leaned into Ian's fearful face. "And you know how I hate it when my expectations are sidestepped."
Ian audibly gulped. "These were close, but darkliquid's Cassoway Holdings, Inc. struck me as one of the truly evil."
"One of?" Parker raised an eyebrow.
"Yes sir. It was the first entry, but I just found myself coming back to it over and over: My Perfect Wife, by TashaNoble. The point of view, and the casual tone just made it that much more evil."
Parker nodded, thoroughly satisfied. He sighed in relief, a smirk on his face. "It's good to know that evil's still alive and well, Ian. It warms my hear to see and hear so."