Nanu, Vere and Den,

I am leaving. These are my parting words. I treasure them as I treasure my thumbs, for I believe they are the words that may save us all.

Nanu, I once loved you with all of my heart. I married you, and I bore your children, and I believe that you loved me back for it. Yet of late, you have been less of the loving and supportive husband I once visualised. You have not hugged me and you have not kissed me, you have not held me and touched my cheek, in months and years. Recently I have come to realise that you will not ever hug me or kiss me, you will not ever hold me and touch my cheek, until the day I die, and perhaps not even then. You no longer love me, and I no longer love you. You do not need me, and I do not need you. You have moved on, and so have I. So I am leaving you.

Vere, where are you? Where is my beautiful daughter when I need her? Where is she? Won't you tell your mother where she is, Vere? I have been waiting and waiting and waiting for you, Vere. I have been waiting for my beautiful daughter to come to me, as she once did. As she once came and encircled me with her arms, and pressed her body into mine, her sobs a chaos to quiet. As once I held her there in my own arms, and I held her soul together, and she kissed me and called me the best mother. But now we are reversed. I have been waiting for my daughter to tell me where she is, so that I might come and encircle her with my arms, and press my body in hers, my sobs a chaos to quiet. And she might hold me there in her own arms, and hold my soul together, and I might kiss her and call her the best daughter. But where is she that I might do this and bring my troubles to my daughter? Won't you give something back to me, though I worked so hard to love you and bring you up well through your childhood and the tough years of teenage troubles? Vere, where are you? I am coming to find you. I can wait no longer for my beautiful daughter. I must find her. So I am leaving.

Den, my one and only son Den. Den, I hope you are happy. I hope you have always been happy. I hope you will continue to be happy. I have always taken for granted that you are a happy boy, smiling and friendly and devoted to your joy with all the bright beating of your small heart. You help me to be happy in my dark days, my son, by bringing me BLTs and cold soup. I cannot say how I appreciate your efforts to remember me, though I have been selfish in remembering you. Yet despite this, I have always prayed to Nature that you are happy, and that you will ever find freedom in this vengeful universe. I pray that you will never be troubled by the evils of this earth, and never come into contact with the dark ways of the world. But Den, my little boy, my only son, I trust that you will remain innocent, that you will always be ripe in happiness, as always you were. Nevertheless, I do not want to impede or encumber you with a burden such as I. So I am leaving.

It is better for all, dear ones, once dear and still dear, and ever dear, till death part my body and my soul, and I fall forever to darkness. My memories stay with me. I love you, but I do no good, and so I am leaving.



The End

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