I felt the sadisticness start to overtake me. Why here? Why now!? I tried to breathe. In, out. It crept along my spine and danced at the back of my neck. I held my head in my hands, as I felt my eyes start to roll into the back of my head. Oh God... This was bad, very bad. Adrenaline raced through my veins and burned in my muscles.
Then the thoughts started.
Then my view changed.
Instead of sitting in a room full of good-natured Christian teenagers, I became trapped in my own personal, burning, satisfying, hell. My brain thought for itself.
My head turned swiftly to look at the boy next to me. Poor kid. He had light hair, that fell beautifully in front of his sparkling blue eyes. And if you looked close enough, you could see he had scars on both of his pale wrists. Just like me.
But that's not how I saw him now, with my brain working this way. I wanted to hear this boy scream. Scream for mercy, for his life. I imagined him completely restrained, gagged, and chained to a wall with fire burning at his heels. I wanted to hurt him.
I wanted to laugh, to feel my hands curl around his throat and squeeze... Until that little sparkle left his eyes. I wanted to take a knife, and run it over his skin, digging in only when he'd cry out of fear.
I wanted to sink my teeth in his neck until the blood flowed freely, until his body went limp from the excruciation.
I just held my head in my hands, praying to a God I didn't believe in.
God... Make this stop... Or let me have him...