I abandoned Lucia with the overwhelming desire to tear herself to pieces no one could put back together. Now how perfect are you, Darling?
I was running late for Tavie. She had eaten breakfast this day... I was furious with her. I wanted to give her a knife and let her have at it for herself... But than it hit me.
Lucia was oh so easy to tempt into my tantalizing pit of despair... A little bit of clever consoling on my part is all I needed. I could force Tavie onto an irreversable path.
But not yet.
No, not yet. My plans for Tavie were far greater than giving up on her now.
Tavie looked at the scribbled upon page of her planner, the names of nearly calorieless foods written neatly on each line with a number of calories next to it under the appropriate day of the week box. She reluctantly wrote down what she had eaten for breakfast. Oh, thank goodness! She hadn't eaten much. I had the perfect opportunity before me.
I crept beside her and layed her hand on her small stomach. Look how fat you are, Tavie. Ya know... If you hadn't eaten that enormous amount of food this morning, this (I slapped her tummy) wouldn't be so abnormally large! How can you live with yourself. You are despicable. No more food for you today.
I didn't leave her side one time that day... I'm so loyal. Everytime her stomach growled and she eyed food on the table... I pointed to her stomach. I led her to a mirror. I ordered her to jog in place for however long it took to convince her she didn't deserve food.
Ten hours slipped away. My, how she improved today. Look how far we've come, little Miss Tavie! Look how long you can go without food! No you can't have any now! What have you possibly done to deserve any food?
She stumbled a little, dizziness setting in. Ah, I didn't let you eat more than a couple pieces of fruit yesterday, did I? Hmmm. Look in the mirror, Darling. Trust me. The dizziness is worth it.
Now do the work out we planned together.
I watched her sweat and oh! My words were sinking in! She did double the work out! I was so proud of her.
Look, Tavie! Your stomach's not as huge as it was a couple days ago. We're making progress!
She smiled, laying across the floor too exhausted and dizzy to move. She eyed her bed. She was so tired.
Girls when they're tired and insecure.... Beautiful.
Hey, now! I didn't say you looked good, I said you looked better.
Now look in the mirror and do the whole despising yourself thing.
The cycle began again. Aaaaah, just watching her is exhausting me. She had me worried a little this morning... Like she was OK with eating or something!
Gah! She's difficult.
We'll see how she feels about eating now.
Keep the tears falling, Honey. Crying burns calories. Throw your fists a little. Slap yourself around. Theeeere we go. Good girl.
Now go to bed and dream of eating too much so you won't eat breakfast again, you pig.