I left her there. Crying her eyes out. The clothes remained strewn about the room. My friends would make sure she finished out her otherwise unpleasant day. I was pratically ecstatic concerning my success with Tavie. She bought it so easily. Now on to Lucia. I figured I would mention her name, as I had mentioned the ugly one's name. Lucia.
She didn't drive me as crazy as the other one. Perhaps because I was having such a marvelously good time with her. This whole faking game was taking its toll on her. No matter what others thought. They would find the truth out soon enough.
I found Lucia. I had let her live in this happy, perfect kingdom for a while. To eventually show her all that she would lose. And I would blame it all. On. Her.
But this day would be different. You see, one of my good friends is assigned to her father. We would conference sometimes, and my friend has had a heck of a time with her father. I would almost rather be assigned to him, but I enjoy the young type. I can make them into what I want. The more we talked, the more we realized that she adored her father. We could use this. The day came when our plan was in acted. He left them.
Lucia shivered in the cold. Worthless fool. She needs me. I slidled up to her and started to whisper.
If only you had been a better girl. You can't trust anybody darling, except for me of course. You can't trust HIM. I'm the only one that won't hurt you. I'm here for you all the time.
I tried all I could! I should have done better though. I should have done better. I should have been perfect. If I had been perfect then maybe I could have done something more.
Oh yes. Perfect.
She continued to shiver. The tears poured down her face. I had to jump on this.
Foolish girl, don't cry! It only shows weakness, and weakness is for the weak. The weak are IMPERFECT. So wipe the tears away and be strong. You must be perfect.
I watched her yank her sleeve up and dry her face. Nobody saw those tears. Nobody saw that deep raw pain. Except for me. And I savored it. She was beginning to understand me throughly. To understand how much sense I was making. To understand that I won't be going away.
I would allow her to be happy then sad. Happy then sad. It was a game to me. Depression. Its a lovely thing. So many emotions I can toy around with in just one word. Sadness, bitterness, anger, heartache. So I threw depression her way.
She got quite good at keeping silent. Becoming seemingly perfect.
SMILE. You must SMILE. You must LAUGH. Show the world you are fine. You are PERFECT.
So she smiled. And she laughed. And she enjoyed it. She enjoyed seeming perfect.
This is when that path was started.
She was feeling especially nasty one night. Her mother had yelled at her about something. So she yelled back at Mom. Naughty, naughty. Perfect people don't yell. They don't disrespect. So she ran up to her room. Trying to escape. But she had walked right into my trap. I had been playing with her, and she was all alone.
Stupid girl. You need to work on this some more. That was a horrible thing to do.
Maybe I should talk to someone about this. I don't need to do this alone. I need to talk to God about this. It used to make me feel so much better, why wouldn't it now.
No darling! Nobody would even CARE. They don't care! They don't love you! HE doesn't love you. Remember what happened with your precious DADDY? You trusted him, and he left you. How can you trust HIM?Anybody you trust, is going to leave you. They don't love you! They can barely STAND to be around you. They just want to be around you because they pity you.
Then what more can I do!? I don't know how to be ANYMORE perfect! I don't.....talk about what I'm feeling. To anybody. My heart hurts. All my sins are overflowing, like a cup that just keeps running over. Its HORRIBLE. I can't live like this anymore.
The next step in my plan......
You need to punish yourself. Like your parents used to punish you when you were bad. If they won't punish you, you must punish yourself. You were naughty, you have to live with it. You can't talk about your feelings. This pain you feel right now, this is your punishment. This is how you must live.
I watched her face closely. I could tell she was thinking. A slow, almost hopeful smile grew on her face.
This will be my punishment. My own. And it will make me a better person. I must be punished for my actions.
I stood there, with a sly smile on my face. She bought it. She just bought from me her own homemade hell.