The band has been doing great and I feel like Michael and Derek are apart of my family; they’re like brothers to all of us. My mother finally found my father after a few days of searching. He was actually sober but walking on the streets. When he got home he just started drinking again and beat me…again. On the day of the party the band and I stayed downstairs so none of that could happen. Everyone was drunk but me so far, well I wasn’t sure about Seth or Alice. Come to think of it I haven’t even seen them in a good half hour. It was weird not seeing them, I’m sure they were just going over where Alice would fit in for the band. And I’m sure some of these people would get alcohol poisoning, they were all just drinking so much. Derek, Michael, and I were downstairs taking shots of something we weren’t sure of. It was strong though. I stopped after five shots though; I had to find Seth and Alice sometime tonight. And I wanted to show everyone the new song I wrote, unless that was just the alcohol thinking for me. I stumbled up the steps and my parents and their friends were falling all over the living room and kitchen, some were falling on me. I looked everywhere except my room, again. I took another shot of something and then stumbled in my room. I was sober enough to know what was going on here…Seth and Alice, there were…together. Like in my bedroom and I couldn’t really believe what was happening. And I know Michael and Derek were probably sober enough, it took them a while to actually get drunk anyway. Seth and Alice both looked at me, their eyes both almost popping out of their head. “What is going on?” I held myself up on the doorframe. “Sam…this isn’t…” I stopped Alice and got hold of myself. Control…that’s what I needed. I braced myself and stood up straight, I could do that much. And I knew what I was thinking and saying and seeing and hearing. “Alice, I did love you…what happened to that song. And Seth I thought you were not only my brother but my best friend.” Tears surged out of my eyes; I really and actually couldn’t believe what was happening. She just told me she loved me not that long ago. I went over to my desk and took out the piece of paper with Alice’s song on it. I grabbed the lighter out of my pocket and the flames licked up the paper faster than anything I have ever seen. When there was nothing but ash on the floor I stomped on it with my shoes. Alice and Seth got dressed in a flash and it was something I couldn’t comprehend. “Sam I’ve been doing this with him for the past month, I hope you know that.” Alice grabbed the bottle of scotch from the desk and took a drink. Derek and Michael came back up here. “What’s going on?” Yeah, they weren’t drunk at all. And I knew neither Seth nor Alice was drunk. I grabbed another bottle from the top of my dresser and chugged it. I think I was a little intoxicated now, or maybe a lot. I pulled the drawer form my desk right out of the slot and pulled out a knife, don’t know why I had this in my drawer. I think it was because if my dad came in here trying to kill me one night or something, or if anyone broke into my house. Everything was spinning and I had no idea what was really going on. I held the knife lightly against my throat, “Alice…I’ll do it.” My sentences were slurred. “I’m going to do it. I loved you and you just did things behind my back.” I fell with the knife skidding across the wood flooring. The knife hit the wall and stopped, all I saw was the blade shining against the light and then I probably passed out. I wonder if I actually hurt myself, but I figured I didn’t when I felt water splash against my face. I blinked a few times and rubbed my eyes. How did I get downstairs? Alice walked across the room with a bottle in her hands. I do remember what happened last night, amazingly. “Why did you do that?” My voice was soft. “Because I knew damn well we weren’t getting anywhere.” She stepped in front of me. I stood up and I felt fine too. I’d probably get a headache later unless I didn’t really have that much to drink. Besides that bottle I chugged but still, that was basically all I drank. “You know what I thought you really did love me but this was all just a game to you. It’s over Alice, over!” I raised my voice. “That’ alright, I still have your cousin.” She smiled and walked out of my house. “I take it everything isn’t okay?” Michael asked. Derek followed but no Seth. “Where’s Seth?” I asked and took out the custom-made guitar pick me got made for me, so much for Sam and Alice. I burned that too but of course since it was plastic it took a little while longer. “At least your old guitar is still here…” Derek pointed out and flopped down on the recliner. “I know what I almost did last night.” I said. They both looked at me. They knew what I was talking about and I knew they probably tried to stop me. I cared about these two a lot but I knew Michael and I would probably be best friends more than I would be with Derek. And I don’t even know about Seth. All the signs were there right in front of my face but I just couldn’t figure it out, how stupid am I? “Derek…” Michael nodded and his friend walked away. Then seconds later the front door shut quietly. “Look, we al knew about this. We couldn’t tell you, the band was going so great, you and Alice were really happy. Actually the song you wrote her was the best song we’ve ever had. Seth and Alice just got carried away too far. Is Seth still in the band by the way?” This wasn’t what I wanted to hear but whatever; I guess I’ll have to listen to it one way or another. “Yeah.” I whispered and walked up the stairs to the living room. Our house was trashed…I wanted everyone to leave. All of my parent’s friends were everywhere, on the couch, on the floor, in the bedrooms. I mean nobody was in my bedroom of course. I threw everything away that was on my bed and got spares that we had. Then I let myself fall down on my bed and fell asleep. I woke about three o’ clock in the afternoon and when I walked out of my room everything was clean and nobody but my parents and I were here. I checked downstairs to see if all of our instruments were down there, and they were. I put on my coat and shoes and went outside, there wasn’t that much snow so I decided to take a walk. I still wondered when we were going to do with my grandmother’s things; we shouldn’t throw her belongings away. I walked further down the sidewalk, towards Alice’s house, which was a mistake. She was outside on her porch with an acoustic. I had no idea when she got that guitar. She was playing a song she probably wrote and singing along with it. I started to walk faster but she saw me and stopped me. “Sam!” She squealed and ran down the steps to talk to me. “We should really talk. We ended our relationship too violently and I made a mistake. We all make mistakes.” Her eyes were sincere. I knew she was sorry but this really hurt me. “I’ll give you one more chance and if you screw up this time Alice, I’m never giving you a second chance and I’m never talking to you again. You really upset me, I really liked you.” I took her hand and we walked down the sidewalk. We went around the block twice before going to her house. And to think that I thought nothing could get between us, well Seth and my bedroom sure did. “Let’s go to my room.” She led me upstairs to the very top floor. She had three stories in her house because her whole family practically lived there. “What song were you practicing?” I asked and took a seat by her bed. “A song I wrote, I kinds remixed the song you wrote me.” She sat by me. I nodded and looked around. She was definitely into music and bands and everything. She leaned over to kiss me and I let her, I missed her and it was hard not to forgive her. She kept leaning me farther and farther until I was lying down on her bed and she basically had a repeat of what happened last night, only it wasn’t Seth with her. I cannot believe it got this far; I felt almost bad that we gotten this far. But if it was what she wanted, it didn’t matter to me. I just knew that I never fell out of love with her and I never will stop loving her, no matter what happens.

I ended up staying the night at Alice’s house that night anyway. “Alice…” I started, sitting on the floor watching her write another song I was guessing. “Hmm?” Her eyebrows rose. “Why and how could you let us get so…?” I didn’t really know how to put it. “Carried away? Sam…I love you and you love me. I had too much to drink last night and Seth took me upstairs. You can even ask him.” She held out a phone and I took it, quickly dialing Seth’s number. I asked him and unfortunately Seth admitted to taking advantage of alcohol in my girlfriend’s system. I hung up and set the phone on her bed again. “Alice…I’m sorry for assuming that it was your idea.” She smiled at me and continued to write again. I let myself lay back on the floor and I drifted to sleep very quickly. I dreamt of nothing but our bad playing on stage again and in front of billions of people. I don’t know why I continued to have this dream but I did, Alice did not appear but Michael and Derek did. Seth was there and so was I, trying as hard as we could to play and let people enjoy our music. I wanted to make people happy with our music. And that’s the reason I made this band up. Just so we could share our personal life and express it in music and that’s all that mattered to me. I woke up violently the next morning and I saw that Alice wasn’t in the room. I sat up and rubbed my eyes and she came back in quietly. “You’re awake.” She smiled and gave me a kiss on the cheek, then went to sit on her bed. I lied back down with a low thud. “I just got off of the internet. Our music has been viewed a lot and we got so many positive comments. I mean I know I’m not technically in the band and I knew that from the start but still, I helped get the songs ready.” She laughed another uneasy laugh. “We’re still keeping the songs you sang, you know. No need to redo them.” I stared at her ceiling. I knew she felt like she was still apart of the band by that one little comment. “Thank you.” She whispered. Hours later I got dressed and went home. Seth was coming over so she could talk to him, but I knew that that’s not all they were doing. I’m stupid to take Alice back but she’s the one that keeps me going. It was weeks or maybe months before I talked to Seth again. I wouldn’t even talk to him at school. Alice was a little distant too, like she was before. I knew she was cheating on me but I couldn’t bear to believe myself. I couldn’t bear the truth that Alice was just a cheater and a liar. Mitchell and Chris always messed with me still and they still did the childish things they always did. Since Michael or Derek didn’t go to this school, I became close friends with Tyler. He wasn’t exactly doing so well, his mother just died of a break in at Tyler and Mitchell’s house. Chris wasn’t there though, surprisingly but he did hear all about it. Mitchell and Chris took their grief out on me and Tyler tried to pull himself together as well as he could. He was taking a lot of anti-depressants and a heavy drinker. I became worried about him and stayed with him daily and even after school I came home with him. Anytime he could just collapse from overdose, I believe he was taking other unnecessary medications. Or he could just commit suicide and I wasn’t letting my best friend do that to himself. I mean it’s too bad Alice doesn’t really talk with him anymore even though he needed the comfort. Seth hung out with Alice more often and Michael and Derek stayed with Tyler and I mostly all the time. I saw Seth and Alice kiss once but I couldn’t worry about it now, my friend is right on the brink of killing himself. Days after days were getting worse with him, I listened to his heartbeat and it was slowly beating. Today it was just Tyler and I at his house, no Mitchell, no Chris. “I have to use the bathroom.” Tyler muttered. I nodded and watched him disappear into the bathroom. Nothing was on TV so I just watched a skateboarding show. Minutes went by and Tyler never came out, was he all right? I got up and went to the door and knocked lightly. “Tyler?” I called several times before shaking the door loose. I didn’t want to see this but my eyes were not deceiving me and this was unfortunately not just a dream or thought. Tyler lay in his own pool of blood with the knife in his lifeless, pale hands. I lost my breath and almost vomited right in front of the dead body. I called 911 immediately and I didn’t care who was watching, I cried. I watched them take my friend away and they called his family. I sat on the side of the road and cried. I cried because I had nobody left. My grandmother died, my girlfriend cheats on me and lies to me, my cousin and also best friend betrayed me, and my best friend killed himself. All I had left was basically Michael. Derek was my friend but we sort of drifted apart in a way, but we were still like brothers. I went home and got the knife out of my drawer. I wonder who had put it back. I went into the bathroom and shut the door then I touched the knife just barely to my throat when Alice bust through the door, crying the hardest I’ve ever seen someone cry. I threw the knife on the floor with a great force and put her hands on my shoulders. “What’s wrong with you? Sam, how could you do this?” She sobbed but I could barely understand her. I stayed quiet while I watched her yell and curse at me. “What’s wrong with you? You’re not the Sam I even know.” She was starting to calm down. I knew she had nothing to drink or anything. She was serious, what was going on? But why should I live when I had no place in this world. We both sat in my living room but we didn’t sit by each other. “Alice, why should I even be here if I have nobody?” My voice was calm but started to get rougher. “I mean you cheat on me and lie to me, Seth betrayed me, my grandmother died, and my best friend just killed himself a half hour ago.” I looked at her and she sniffed. She knew I was right, especially about the lying and cheated and betraying part. I was just a kid that nobody cared about or anything. “Sam…I should have never even asked you for another chance. Maybe we were never supposed to be together, as you said…we shouldn’t talk anymore.” She sniffed and walked out of the house. Her voice was calm though; I mean I knew she cared about me. She was crying her eyes out about me trying to kill myself. I went into the bathroom and sliced my ankles and at the very top of my arm where nobody could see since my shirtsleeve was covering it. I didn’t want to do this but until I actually commit suicide, I’ll just do this to ease my pain. I cleaned the knife off and put it back in my drawer. I fell asleep while I was lying on my bed, thinking of everything that has happened recently. I can’t believe my life could be this messed up it was almost unimaginable. I dreamed of Alice smiling at me and playfully hitting my arm, one of the best memories I had with her. Too bad she’s changed and she has to be a different person, a different Alice. Then the dream soon became a nightmare when Seth popped into it and led her away from me, tears slowly seeped out of Alice’s eyes and she turned her back on me. Sunlight shined bright in my eyes, waking me up. I picked up my guitar and started creating music to a new song. This song was about loss. Any kind of loss, death of someone you love, losing your boyfriend or girlfriend, or anything. I knew this song was really about losing Alice but I just wanted to make up other excuses I suppose so I wouldn’t have to admit to it later. The song was acoustic and obviously supposed to be a sad song I suppose. Michael could sing this song perfect, I san the words and I think it was perfect. I’d have to ask Michael about it later. I played it on the acoustic about twice when I heard my phone ring from the living room. I threw the guitar on the bed and ran to the living room and picked the phone up. “Hey, Sam.” It was Seth, how’d he know I answered? Maybe he knew my parents were gone. “Oh…it’s you.” My voice sounded sharp. “Look, if you want me out of the band…” I interrupted him. “I’m not kicking you out, I want to but you’re a good guitar player and you were part of making the band. Remember, Alice isn’t coming between something that we all love.” I hung up. I may never forgive what he did but he is family, and you shouldn’t hate your family.

The End

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