When she arrived home, Christine made some coffee and readied a bath. She was ready to make some changes but things were still flying through her mind as to how to implement them. The meeting with Steven had scared her. Although she knew that someone else had been hurt in her negligence, she had not realized how difficult it would be to see the pain he was in and to apologize. She realized that her attempt to apologize had failed and she may not get it the opportunity back.
Closing her eyes tightly, she tried to refocus her thoughts somewhere else. How could she make a change? How could she claim her youth without losing the woderful things in her life? Surely she would not have to let go of anything to be happy. There were just some things that needed to be added. What makes people happy? Here she was, enjoying coffee and a warm bath. Was that not enough? No, it kept her sane, but it was not something that she did to promote endorphins. Some poeple use drugs and alcohol, but those were not for her. Why would she want a fake happiness?
The weight of the problem started to fall on her and she sighed heavily, putting her coffee to the side and sinking under the water. Her long dark hair flowed out around her as it soaked up water, and it provided a nice cusion around her tender neck muscles. Rising up a bit, she stayed with only her face floating above the water line, keeping her hair and ears submerged. Something about the pressure and change in sound comforted her. She wished vaguely that she had a nicer, bigger bathroom where this would be more comfortable for her five foot five frame, but she was done with regrets for the day. She needed a fresh start, and she needed ideas quick. Already the idea of changing her life to be happy and embracing her youth was getting old with lack of action.
Sighing again, she was bored with her bath and tried to stand up. The force, however, of lifting her head and heavily soaked hair up and out of the water were a little too much for her neck and she splashed back down on her rear in pain. Groaning at herself for being so stupid, she gingerly wrung out the mass of hair, and slowly got out of the tub. She dressed warmly, and decided to put the brace back on just in case she had pulled one of the musceles she was supposed to be protecting. Taking the time to clean up after self, she then went out and turned on her computer, heating up a bowl of soup while it booted.
Not certain about what to do about her boredom delima, she took her time looking at email and updating her blogs and such. After wasting fifteen minutes, she felt even more alone and depressed than before. Finally she googled it, What makes people happy? Why not? you can google everything else, for goodness sakes. She skimmed articles and clicked links and looked and looked, but the answers seemed too simple. Spend time with your family, do not put too much effort into things that will get you no where, be kind to others, make people happy and you will be happy.
But as easy as these answers were, she was still not satisfied. She had a wonderful family and a comfortable life. She was relatively stress free, she had someone to love her and a child to play with and make her smile. She had these things but there was still so much discontent. Surely there should be a magic cure, a pill that could make ecerything the way it should be. Biting her lip and feeling drowsy, she closed the computer. It was getting dark outside, but it was only five o clock. The soup she made was only half eaten, but cold now. None of her books interested her. What on earth was she missing?