Taking a deep breath, she tried to explain what she was thinking, "Sometimes I think about the big what if's. What if I did this or that, or whatever. I know that sounds common, but I mean, like I think that about dramatic things. About big events. It has occured to me before 'What if I just took a step into traffic?' and 'What if I did slide this knife down the side of my arm?' I do not think much about these things- I guess I kind of see them as normal. At least, not abnormal. That is probabyl what I was thinking that night. 'What if I just drove my car right off the side fo the road? It would be so easy.' Except this time I actually did it. I actually DID drive my car right off the side of the road. I could do it, and I went ahead and do it. It seems horrible now- Why would I do such a thing? But in truth, it was jsut really... easy." She kept her eyes closed, because it seemed that this confessional was 'easier' that way. "I do not think I was trying to kill myself. I know that I was not trying to hurt anyone else. I was feeling a little lonely, and just... I do not know exactly how to explain it, but I just felt like I needed to do something... dramatic?" She stopped, moistening her lips and rubbing her hands together over her tightly closed knees that were bouncy with a hint of the anxiety about confronting these things about herself."
Dr. Evoch had observed Christine the entire time, listening carefully to the words and to the tone of her voice. She knew that Christine was being very honest with her. It did not even appear that Christine was trying to hide anything. She remained quiet while Christine continued to collect herself. At last the girl became still and slowly opened her eyes.
"Does any of this make sense? Maybe I am just full of strange thoughts and none of it means anything."
"Christine, you do not need to worry about what your thoughts were, and you should never be embarrased to share your thoughts with me. You can trust me. I am listening and I am hear to help you. Ok?" She gave the doctor a small smile and nodded her head yes, that she did understand her.
"Ok. Thank you for coming in today. I need to see some other patients, but I still want you to come back. I think that at this point, though, we can go ahead and wait about a week. Why don't you schedule an appointment for your first bit of free time from work next week?"
Christine got up and went out the door, stopping with the receptionist to schedule something. As anxious as she had been to come today, she felt like some weight had been lifted from her, and she smiled a bit as she went to meet her mother. She was not at all sure that anything had been discovered or resolved, but she was glad that the meeting had been arranged for next week. It just seemed to make her feel so much better to talk to someone in a thrid party capacity that had nothing to do with the functionality or politics of her life. Even after this accident business was over with, perhaps it would be a good idea to keep coming back to see her.