Christine went back to that day, trying to remember with everything going on, what exactly that day was.
"Ok, well, it was a Monday. I work a full day on Mondays and I do not remember the dya being anything out of the ordinary. I do a lot of clerical work at my office, and all of that was just as usual.... I left work at 5:30 and I was supposed to pick up Michael from his fencing class at six o clock. Some how I guess I forgot about him." She paused, mulling that over for a second, then continued, "umm, then Mom called about 8:30 and asked if I was still coming over to discuss plans for the holidays. I guess I had forgotten about that, too. So I was kind of far away from her house, and I had to turn around. They say my crash happened around nine o clock, but I do not even know where the accident happened!" She stopped and looked at the doctor, wondering how such useless information could have helped at all.
"So you remember it being a normal day. Do you often forget where you are going or what you need to be doing?"
Christine thought about it. "No. That is not like me. I know what is going on and where I need to be. I am actually pretty practical and organized." She frowned, wondering if there would be a dead end to the conversation.
"Ok, what about drugs?" Dr. Evoch asked this question in a matter of fact manner.
"No, I do not do any drugs. I have tried some alcoholic drinks a few times, but I do not even smoke. In fact, I know maybe one or two people that use marijuana. That is about it." Christine was not really offended by the question, knowing that there were probably a lot of people her age with addictions.
"Anything over the counter? Daily asprin treatments or Nyquil or anything?"
"No, nothing like that."
"Do you have periods of time other than Monday that you do not remember?"
"Do you ever wonder how you got somewhere or not remember where you are?"
"Um, I mean, I have missed my exit before, or arrived somewhere and not remembered passing a landmark, but nothing for like hours. And I have woken up confused, but not for more than five seconds."
"Ok. So on Monday, were there time periods that you do not remember? Were you lost when your mother called you that night?"
Christine squirmed, trying not to get frustrated with the doctor's questions. "I... I was just driving and thinking! I think it is strange that I was driving for so long, but... I do not think that I was copletely out of it or anything. I mean, When my mom called, I recognized what road I was on, and knew right away where to turn so that I could go to her house. Michael also means so much to me and now I have really screwed things up by not picking him up that day. It is all very frustrating, but I really do not think anything is wrong with me!" She was starting to get loud and passionate about her defense.
"Ok, ok." Doctor Evoch took her time restarting the conversation. She wanted to let Christine have enought ime to coo ldown and think about the words she had just spken before continuing on. When she did start again, she spoke gently, "Christine, is it possible that you remember what you were thinking about right before you drove off the side of the road?"
This was it. The one question that she did not want anyone to ask. The one that she would not ask herself. The one she was scared to even think there was an answer to. So what was it? Gazing at the doctor, she had a mental battle, trying to block the effort of remembering, and yet curious to maybe have this all out on the table to be understood, disected, and approached healthily. Finally she gave in and closed her eyes, going back to that night again. Confronting the truth.