Deathly Secrets, Chapter XLIX

Alexander wants to run away. He wants to hide from the mistake he just made. But, no. He has to tell Alina about himself. No, he can't let her fall in love with him!

Somehow, Alexander knows that he can trust Alina. His breathing is shaky, but he forces himself to start.

"All my life, I've been the one who gives into passions that are temporary. All my life, I've been the one who women fall for...and who falls for women. I guess it all started when I was still really young. I met this girl...her name isn't important. She took my heart and played me like a fool. When my parents found out the foolish choices I was making, they were hurt and didn't know how to react. I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone, so instead of turning around right at the start, I figured there was no use changing. If I'd already fallen this far, what was to keep me from falling further?" Alexander breaks off and runs a shaking hand over his eyes, the familiar jittery feeling beginning to take over.

"And then, she left me. I was devastated. Here, I'd sacrificed everything for her, and it didn't mean anything. I kept all my thoughts and feelings inside myself and grew bitter.

"The next years were filled with chasing pleasure and harmful ways of forgetting pain. Before I knew it, I was into drinking and gambling and basically everything I was taught not to do. I left my home, determined to live independent of rules, and pretty soon I ran out of money. So I started stealing it to support the addictions that had resulted from my carelessness. I got caught and was put in jail. When I was released, I was sure my family wouldn't want me back. It was soon after I was released that I found out Miriam, my most recent girl, was expecting."

And here, Alexander can speak no more. He catches a sob in his throat and covers his mouth with one hand. The other is quickly taken by Alina. 

Alexander jerks his hand away from Alina's grasp. "No, stop," he whispers, since he isn't capable of speaking any more loudly or clearly. "You don't know what you're doing."

Alexander fights to control his emotions. He's never been able to open up to anyone like this. He stops momentarily to regain his control. 

The nightly wind blows.

Alina is crying.

The End

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