Dear Self

Your sitting at the desk of an art gallery which is swaying to the slow melodical motion of the ocean. You can see the white crest of waves out the window of the floating city as you sit at your desk writing a letter to yourself surrounded by the faces and places imagined by others, All of which cannot be sold. You sit in your luscious red dress a little thinner then when you arrived, wearing a pashmina you borrowed from someone else, who's life belongs to someone else and your wondering if the sample perfume you got and didn't start wearing until this contract, because you dislike wearing perfume, will transfer into the fibers of the cloth and she will not like it's smell. At this moment you are hoping that a certian someone will pass by so that you have someone to talk to, since you are so bored that you are writing a letter to yourself. This person is tall and lanky, but pulls nothing from you. He wishes and wants but all for not, for you are with another. The other who runs hot and cold, from one extreme to another and takes you along for the ride, whether you want to or not. This constant reoccuring detour from your middle earth, which runs so true, has brought you here in hopes the distance will help bring him reaching out for you.

The people here do not see the truth behind your half Asian eyes, they believe your assistant to be of the same home of the rising sun, so you watch from a far as she giggles in apprehensivness, while searching for affirmation. Thinking back, at this point in this journey you have learned much and taken in what you find of interest. The rest is hopefully discarded, until you find yourself needing use for it to appear like a surpising gift you never expected, because there is no occasion for it. You found out how people perceive your use of language, your appeal, your look into what they believe to be you "in a nutshell". They became prejudgice in their blind narcissim, their thoughtful domination of themselves to fit into what they believe is truth. Because how else would they have been able to get where they are today.

I sold my confidence for weakness. I sold my ability of intimidation for the inability to stand out and I sold myself for what I wanted to life. I keep trying to play a game with a rule book for a different game in my pocket. I've selected a position for a team that have yet to win and have come to the decision that the technique I thought would have me succeed is completely wrong entirely for me. I should leap when I duck, I should swig when I swag and I should listen to my instinct, my heart, my soul and not the coach. It's a realization a long time coming that will take me to the prize, and if for some reason my strength does not bring me through, the aching muscles, scabs and bruises will be well appreciated for what they truly are. This is the time to take notice of the opportunity you have before you, what you hold within you none others possess and should be enjoyed by the only one who can enjoy it because it is yours. You are the only one who can. It's yours and yours alone.

The End

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