Dear Journal [April]Mature

4/1

Dear Journal,

I hate April Fool's day. It isn't enough to just trick someone, is it? No, you have to scare them, too. It's so unfair. I was never any good at tricking or scaring people. This holiday is set up to spite me, I'm sure of it. And it just so happens to be the day before my birthday. What a joke. (Ha) For a day they all get to sneak up on me from dark doorways and put fake spiders in my backpack, then the next they get to repent by bringing me presents. Screw them. Can't I take my presents a day early? I would gladly give up all gifts in exchange for not getting scared out of my skin for a day. Then again, sometimes I get some neat stuff from them, so perhaps I spoke in haste?

But by the way Jon keeps lurking just outside of my doorway (trying to be sneaky like I can't hear his thudding footsteps) I can tell that no gifts will ever be enough.

Today is going to suck.

4/2

Okay, I'm writing this real fast before I head back downstairs. My mom is amazing. You want to know what my birthday present from her was? A CAMERA! This is the greatest birthday ever. Just saying. I'll be back to write more in a bit.

Dear Journal,

Sorry, I was in a bit of a rush earlier. (I just reread that and then realized I just apologized to a book. Wow.) I had a really great birthday today. Yes, it might very well make up for yesterday, too. Which, by the way, did suck. (Marissa, I may never forgive you) I got a whole bunch of things, although the camera trumps them all. I'll make a list.

Niki: Homemade cookies (she knows how much I love her mom's cooking) and one of those nice beaded necklaces her aunt and her make. It was really pretty.

Crissy: A ceramic moon she made in art class, beautifully painted. I'll hang it on my wall tonight.

Jon: Paper coupons for various things: one free brekfast, one trip to the moon, one time i wont disterb you for a hole night (Thanks a lot, buddy. I'm sure those will come in handy. Take some grammar lessons in your time off)

Marissa: A jean hat, sewn and studded with some of my favorite patterns (As impressed as I am with this, don't think this this gets you off)

Jake: The sequel to the book I finished last year. I've been dying for this one.

And I've just realized all my friends are just as broke as me. Lovely.

4/5

Dear Journal,

So today we got our huge research project in English. We're supposed to select a myth or legend and (using correct format) write a 12 page paper on it. What's it about, who believed in it, why could it be plausible/why did people believe in it, is there any truth behind it. Yuck. I hate writing papers like these. I'm not much of an English person. I'm a math or history person. Facts. I'm good with facts. I couldn't care less about some story people invented to make themselves feel better at night. I don't like not knowing what's going to happen or what will become of something else. Thus why I could never become a scientist. Also why I don't like being scared, I guess.

On a different note, I love my camera. I've been taking pictures with it every chance I get. Good thing it's digital. I've been uploading a full memory card almost every day. I haven't printed any pictures (mom says we're running low on ink) but maybe I can sneak one in tomorrow.

4/6

Dear Journal,

I HATE ENGLISH PAPERS! They are purposely torturing us, I know it. My teacher hates everyone. Except Tracy, but I think we all know why. So I don't have double D's, that means that I can't have an extended deadline, too? Our educational system is so screwed up. There needs to be a million duplicates of my math teacher. She's really good at what she does, and really fair. Unlike life. Uhg. I wonder what I should do for the project, though. I haven't decided. I thought about doing some Greek or Roman myths, but those are so overdone. I'm sure he'll get a ton of those. Then I thought I might do something about ancient civilizations, but scratched that, too. Crissy and Jake are already doing those. Um...maybe I should do urban legends? Those seem like fun. Maybe.

I guess it's worth a shot.

4/7

I don't have a lot of time to write today; we're going to a strings concert at 7 and it's 6:10 now. I just needed to get some ideas down. So, possible subjects to write that paper on:

Bloody Mary

Big Foot

Lochness Monster

Bermuda Triangle (Does that count?)

Shapeshifters

Macbeth (curse for thespians)

I'll write more as they come along.

4/10

Dear Journal,

Okay, so I've been working like crazy on this project, right? Well, I deleted all of it. Yup. Truly. I can't take any of these stupid myths seriously. How dumb can people get? Some of the ones I've researched are so-argh. I can't even describe. Why would you purposely summon a demented little girl into your bathroom with candles and chanting? Because that's real smart.

The world is full of idiots.

In the meantime, I have to find something else to work on. I'm hoping someone will give me some suggestions to help me out. My teacher is of no use. Every time I ask mom she can't actually remember the full legend, and half the time I think she just thinks she knows the legend, when in fact she just remembers some corny movie from the 80's.

Wait, can those count?

4/11

Dear Journal,

No, the movies do not count. Damnit, I was actually really hoping for that one. I keep asking people I know for more suggestions but they can never settle down enough to give me a serious answer. Can I get a myth that doesn't require sacrifices, rituals, or monsters? Though I guess that excludes just about all of them. I mean, I get what the whole story thing is about, but I want one that's a little more...believable. Like it could be true. But I don't believe in aliens, because there is no proof. I do not believe in magic. I do not believe in ghosts. Are there truly no myths that don't sound like complete pot?

4/12

Dear Journal,

I think I saw that guy again today. The one I saw at the end of my street last month? I guess he found wherever it was he was going. Maybe. I can't be sure if it was him or not. Though I don't know how many people hang around in suits in the middle of the street. Or maybe I didn't actually see a person. Could have just been a pole or something. I don't know. Either way it wasn't there when I looked again.

The due date of that paper is coming up. I only have a few weeks to work on it (so unfair). That, and now a new report I have to do for Bio is eating at my free time. I haven't talked to Marissa or Niki in a while. Crissy only because I have Physics with her. I'm getting a little worried. I mean, me and Crissy are really close, but not so much Niki and Marissa. I want to make sure I keep in touch with them. I know how easy it can be to just drop off of someone else's radar. I don't want to be forgotten.

4/14

Dear Journal,

Spring Fling is coming up. Completely forgot about that. The whole school's been chatting about it. Not that I really mind too much. I like school dances, they're a lot of fun. Music tastes aside. I have two issues, though. One, I still have to work on this stupid paper, and it's due the day after the dance. Whoopie. Second, and probably most important, who would I go with? I could always just go with Crissy, but I know her and Jake have had this thing going on for a while. I wouldn't want to get in the middle of that should he finally get the nerve up to ask her out. I guess I have all Spring Break to try and find someone to go with. It would be super lame if I had to stay at home while everyone else was having fun.

Things to do:

Find a suitable myth

Write the paper

Find my missing earrings (check Jon's room while he's at Jeremy's Saturday)

Start scoping out some new candidates for dance

Call Niki and Marissa

Start the book received from birthday

4/18

Dear Journal,

Been really busy these past few days. But, unfortunately I haven't gotten a whole lot done. Think I might be on the lead of a decent myth, though. Which would be awesome. I can't afford to bomb this paper. I can't seem to motivate myself enough to look up more research, at the moment, however. It's just not gonna happen. It's late, and I don't want to have to put up with more school work when my Spring Break has officially started. I'll work on it tomorrow. Ha. Famous last words. No wonder nothing ever gets accomplished.

Did find my earrings. Jon didn't take them like I thought he did. Turns out it was the cat. He's been taking off with little bits of jewelry for longer than I thought. He's even made himself a little mountain of stolen treasure under the back porch. I don't want them back, anymore.

Mom's going up to the lake for a few days, so it's just me, dad and Jon at the house. Fun stuff. All alone in a house full of boys. What's even better is that she's taking my camera with her. Never did manage to get a hold of anyone before the break started. Maybe I'll see if they want to do anything while we're all free. I need to get out of the house for a little bit. I think I'm going a bit stir crazy. And maybe just slightly paranoid. Ever get that feeling that something's watching you? It sends chills down your spine. But the feeling leaves fairly quickly, thank goodness.

At this point I'm too brain-numb to keep writing. Good night.

4/19

Dear Journal,

Jon's a jerk. Simple as that. He scared the living crap out of me twice today. Once in the morning: he made me spill my cereal down the front of my favorite shirt. I will make sure he pays for that later. The second time was later this afternoon while I was on the phone. Though I know this one wasn't intentional. I think he fell or something in the front yard. He screamed deafeningly loud and started crying. It was terrifying. I know I may not act like it sometimes, but he is my little brother. I don't want anything to happen to him.

I yell at you because I care, remember that.

I'm currently hiding out in my room as Dad plays nurse downstairs. There's a storm rolling in, so I didn't bother trying to arrange to go out today. Won't tomorrow, either. What a way to start out a break. Someone must have it out for me.

4/20

Dear Journal,

Jon sprained his ankle, we found out. We had to take him to the doctor in the middle of a torrential downpour. If he had just been careful instead of running around like a lunatic in the mud he probably could have avoided this whole thing. He keeps saying it wasn't his fault. Little kids never want to take responsibility for their actions. I can't wait until he finally grows up. Or I move out of the house. Either one.

Mom is trapped up at the lake for a little while until the storm calms down. She wanted to come home as soon as she heard about Jon but we convinced her to wait out the rain, first. That's all we need, for mom to get in an accident in the middle of all this.

The doctor gave Dad some pain killers for Jon. Does a sprain really hurt so bad that he needs pills? Dad's always been a little hesitant about the drugs we put into our systems. Too many years working behind the pharmacy counters at CVS has left him a little too cautious. But if the pills keep Jon from whining all day, I'm all for it.

I'm using one of my coupons tonight. I don't want to have to deal with anyone at the moment.

4/21

Jon said that there's a man with no face watching him from our front yard at night. I know it's just a dream, but it's a little disconcerting nonetheless. I think he's going to sleep with Dad until he gets off those pain killers. Kid needs some sleep.

4/23

Dear Journal,

Niki called today. Apparently their entire yard is flooded; she was wondering how things were for us people up on the hill. We're really not fairing much better. Some of the water drains down the side of the slope, but we still have enough pooling in giant puddles that we have to wear boots to get to our mailbox. She's doing well aside from drowning every time she walks outside. I think we'll try to get together sometime over the break, so long as she doesn't get bogged down with chores or things with her family. Turns out I missed Jake asking Crissy out. I don't know why she didn't tell me, but I'm happy for them. It's only been a four year process. Still, I feel a little excluded having to hear about it from someone else, especially since Crissy is supposed to be my best friend.

Jon's crying again. I should probably go see what's up.

4/24

Dear Journal,

I can't believe my break is almost up already! These things never last long enough. The storm came and went, and now it's nothing but sunshine and mud around here. Mom's home and Jon seems to have settled down a bit. He's been acting funny these past few days. I blame the meds. Maybe Dad actually knew what he was talking about when he warned us about them. There hasn't been much to take pictures of since Mom came back and I've been cooped up inside, but I plan on taking my camera out with me today as we go into town. Crissy called me today, told me about Jake. I acted surprised as if I didn't already know. No need to make a big deal out of it. At least she told me in the end. I think we're going to meet up at the park later today, if I can convince Dad to let me. He's always been too overprotective. I love him, but it gets on my nerves sometimes. We really just want to hang out at the park for a few hours. Nothing else. Seriously.

Dad just called. Gotta go.

4/26

Dear Journal,

My little brother is such a wuss. He's refusing to go outside right now. I'm sitting at the kitchen table while Dad and him argue at the front door. He won't go outside because it's dark out there. It's not even nighttime yet. It's 5:32 PM (according to my iPod) and the sun is just barely setting. He's never been afraid of the dark before. I'm hoping this phase will go by fast. I bet it's because of those drug-induced dreams he had. Either way, I don't think he's going to let this one go. I should probably get out of here before I have to take the trash out to the curb. It's not my turn. I did it last week.

Now Mom's arguing with Dad. Lucky kid, Mom always picks his side. Yup, he just got out of it and is sprinting for the TV. I'm getting out of here while I have the chance.

Ah, shoot. Busted.

4/27

Dear Journal,

School started again today. Joy. I knew this day was going to be bad, right from the get go. Jon made me wait for him to get on the bus before he would let me finish getting ready. So I did, and missed my ride in the process. But luckily Niki had her car and was willing to pick me up. That was really nice of her. We barely made it to school before the bell for first sounded. Then pop quiz. Yay! Just shoot me now.

Tracy was also back with a vengeance. She's doing that superiority act in class, like she's too good for the lesson. I've seen some of the things she's written. She needs to go back to elementary school to learn how to punctuate correctly. I'm pretty sure Jon can write better than she can. (I'm not exaggerating. Much.)

And to top it all off, my camera is being extremely glitchy today. All the pictures I take are really warped and weird. I don't think I dropped it at any point in time, but I don't know if maybe Jon picked it up and forgot to tell me. I'll interrogate him when I get home.

For future reference, I shouldn't take this journal with me when I leave the house. Too many people are trying to read over my shoulder as I write this.

4/29

Dear Journal,

Bio is actually being nice to me for once. I just finished up that report I had to do for it, it was relatively simple. Not quite as brain-exploding as I had originally thought it would be. English paper is going nowhere. What am I going to do? I know if I just quit complaining about it and do some stupid Big Foot myth that I could force something out, but it wouldn't be any good. I don't want to submit empty words. Though it looks like that's what I'm going to have to do if I can't find something quick.

Jon's still dreaming. He keeps waking up in the middle of the night screaming. I feel sorry for him. Most of the time I can't even remember my dreams. His subconscious must be a terrifying place. But the thing is, he stopped taking the meds. Shouldn't the effects have worn off by now? Maybe it just takes longer to work through someone's system than I thought it did. Dad doesn't seem too worried, so I guess I shouldn't be, either.

4/30

Dear Journal,

I'm not getting enough sleep. Between Jon screaming in the middle of the night and this friggin' paper I can't seem to close my eyes for more than an hour at a time, if at all. As if I didn't have enough things to worry about. This can't be good for my psych. I'm really tired, too. My mind just won't turn off. And I don't know why, but I'm afraid to look out my window into our front yard. Well, not afraid. Fuck, okay, I'm afraid. Even though I know there's nothing out there. I just...don't want to look.

Tonight's going to be a long night.

4/31

Jon didn't come home from school today.

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