I found this diary as I was going through some of her old things. They disturbed me enough that I thought that maybe if I shared them, some of her private thoughts, that someone else could help me understand what they mean.
Warning: [She swears a few times. I could have edited them, but I wished to leave the entries exactly as I had found them. The only notes I have made is when I was unable to understand what she had written.]
So I bought this notebook today. Niki keeps telling me that they're a lot of fun, some place to just rant about nothing and no one else has to know. It seems like a good idea. If nothing else, it gives me something to do in the middle of the night when I can't sleep. Though I'm not entirely sure how I'm supposed to do this, exactly. Though I guess writing about writing still counts? I don't know. Maybe I'm just sounding like an idiot. But unless Jon decides to sneak into my room and read this, it doesn't really matter.
Though I really don't want Jon to read this, so I think I'll stash it somewhere safe. I really wish I was an only child sometimes.
So, yeah, I completely forgot I had this book until I found it under a suitcase in my closet. Probably shouldn't hide it in places where I won't even find it. Oh well. If I were to hide it somewhere underneath my mattress I think it'd be safe enough. Jon's not that creative, so I don't think I really need to go out of my way to keep him out of it. I have the whole weekend while he's at his friend's house, anyhow. Freedom! I think I might try and get a group together to head out to the movies or something. That would be fun. I probably should work on this report first, but I guess we'll see how that goes, won't we?
I hate her. God, she's such a little bitch. Pardon my language. Today would have been great, but no, if she wasn't the leader of everything, then no one else could be. So I wanted to go eat lunch before we headed to Crissy's, so what? It wasn't even that big of a deal. But it wasn't her idea. UHG! I just can't stand the way she acts. It's so childish and stupid! I don't even know why I hang out with her.
Writing in this doesn't help at all. I don't know what Niki was talking about. I'm going to bed.
After glaring at your cover for about an hour, I've finally decided that the maybe you're not completely useless. After Saturday night I really thought I was going to kill someone, or break something, but I'm beginning to think that maybe it did help to yell at empty pages for a little while. Whooda thunk? Maybe if I keep doing this I'll be able to get over some of my other issues: like not being able to smack my little brother when he deserves it, or when I'm suffering severe superiority issues over other people in my classes? Let's hope so, because I'm fairly sure I wouldn't be able to get away with either one of those things for very long. I can't help it. It's like a compulsion. It keeps running in my head, over and over.
Must smack him over the head with my laptop.
Must let everyone in my history class know they're idiots.
Today was a surprisingly great day at school. We got some of our scores back on that big Bio test. I was (shockingly) over an 85% for the first time. So what if it was only by 1%? I'm working my way up! Niki and Crissy were running around somewhere near the Chem rooms, and I really didn't feel the urge to try and find them during my lunch hour. Knowing my luck, they'd probably run around for 50 minutes of it and then end up having to scarf down my lunch. So instead I just picked a table and parked it.
A few other kids stopped by and sat at the other end of the table. Somehow I ended up eavesdropping on their conversation. (It wasn't intentional, I swear!) Turns out that Tracy just cheated on whoever she was currently dating on the basketball team. It was some huge, ugly affair. And right afterward the other guy she was with completely dissed her right in front of everyone. It was kinda nice to hear, actually. Wow, that sounded really mean. But I'd be lying if I said it wasn't true. I really hate Tracy. She gets no sympathy from me.
The rest of the day was kinda uneventful. I never did catch up to Niki and Crissy before I had to catch the bus home. Luckily it was the middle of the week, so there were plenty of free seats for me to choose from. And for once I was on time so I could snag one before anyone else. See, even at the end of the day, it still turned out pretty good.
Oh, okay, one little blip. There was some really weird guy at the far end of my street when I got off. He just stood there. Hope he wasn't lost or anything (not that it's real easy to get lost in a tiny suburb). But I didn't stop to check if he needed help. He just gave off some really creepy vibes. I'm not touching that.
Hope the poor guy made it home, though. He looked incredibly out of place just standing there, in the heat, wearing a full black suit. That couldn't have been comfortable, but who am I to nitpick?