i know you won't ever read this, but i want to write somewhere to you to get all of this out of my system. its been almost 2 months since you died, and nothing's got any easier. i keep seeing people who look like you, keep hearing people who talk about their grandparents and it makes me sad. it makes me sad because i lost one of the best men in my life; one of the men i knew would laugh at me when i needed it and i'd make you laugh when you needed it.
i miss you giving me mars bars because you always said i was too skinny and needed to put on weight, i miss you laughing at me because i poured off milk onto my cereal and never realised until you'd said to me that it was off. i miss pressing your belly button and making you burp. i felt awful when i found out you'd gone purely because i'd not spoken to you in so long. thankyou for my birthday gift you and nan got me, that necklace is absolutely beautiful.
in some ways, i know you're still around because i know regardless of where you are, you're probably laughing at me whenever i'm not feeling right. i know you're smiling down on all of us and i'm going to make you proud. i want to make you proud. i'm going to make something of myself granddad, just you watch.
you're up there with duke, keeping him company. and hopefully not gassing him out with your HORRENDOUS farts you used to to in woolworths which would clear whole aisles of the shop and have both me and you in hysterics.
i want to say, regardless of what i may of done to upset you, i never meant to do it. and i'm never going to forget you, you grumpy old man.
i miss you granddad, so much. there isn't a day that doesn't go by when i don't think of you, and most nights i can't sleep properly because i start thinking of the good times we all had. one that keeps playing on my mind is when we all went to south stack, i have one of those photos on my wall. i can't and won't forget what you look like granddad, i can remember we counted all the stairs and they were different going up than they were when we went down.
you're going to kill me in the summer when we gotta walk up snowdon to scatter your ashes. just to give you a heads up, don't laugh at me when you see it happen. i'm not as fit as i used to be. not that i was fit in the first place.
keep safe granddad, i love you and i always will.
love your "favourite granddaughter",