July 22, 2012 - "Hanging on"

This is almost my actual diary for whenever I want to write it in a narrative way.

I walk out the door. I was feeling a little nauseous as I look from left to right. The hallway was empty except for a few people I know but don’t talk to. I walk toward my right, toward the room just a few steps away from mine. Empty. Again. I walk down alone to go and find them. 

Times like these make my heart sink and pound at the same time. People were scattered everywhere, talking, laughing singing, dancing and they’re all with their friends. What do people think of me walking alone in the middle of all this ruckus? What am I even saying, they wouldn’t have time to notice me because all of them are so busy having fun. I nervously make my way through the center, the unavoidable and uncrowded part of the area. 

I walk toward the cafeteria, I saw them sitting by the table, laughing about something I don’t know. I approach them, wearing a smile on my face. They didn’t seem to notice my arrival. I sit next to my bestfriend as she laughs at another thing. I keep quiet for the most part, to catch on what they’re saying. Most of the time I don’t get it anymore. She acknowledges my presence finally and says hello. I was pondering on whether or not telling her that they left me but I decided on saying it a bit friendlier.

“Hey, next time, mind going to my room and getting me?” 

She looked back at the others nodding only slightly. I know what that look means, it means “riiiight, I don’t care.” And it shut me up completely. I tried to laugh along with them but I can’t. Is this going to be a regular thing now? Leave me because I’ll go and chase after all of you? I want to be upset, but you guys will think I’m mad.

I take one long look at these people. I feel like I’m not part of them. They seem to look like they’re on a hot air balloon smiling while I’m holding on to the edge of the basket, trying to smile myself.

The End

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