Dirty Dreams of Davy


Joe woke with a start, breathing heavily, and sat up. All around him the forest glade lay silent with pregnant anticipation. A distant crow beckoned from afar, calling Joe's senses back from the brink of beyond.

I must have him. Feel his warmth beside me once more. Davy...?

"Hang on a minute..."

Joe found that he could not speak, his thoughts racing too fast for him to articulate.

Will we never know the sweet sorrow of a parting embrace?

Half-remembered dreams and memories tumbled through his mind...

Shall I never again reach down and cup his tender -

"I'm quite alright to talk, thankyouverymuch! Where the hell am I? I thought I was dead - don't I get to have a conclusion?", Joe whined in a piercing nasal twang.

"Oh bloody marvellous. Mr. Smart-arse, are we?"

Silently the stately sentinal crow glided into the clearing, alighting on an old, and by now cliched, oak beside Joe's forest bower and crapped all down his face.

"Right", Joe gurgled with difficulty,"you're for it if you don't cut this out right now"

He had never been able to take a joke.

"Let's see how interesting your little story is with characters that don't speak, shall we?"

Joe lay back down to sulk like a big stupid baby, with crow doody all down his big stupid baby-face.


It was then that he became aware of a soft breathing behind him. A gently-sighing snoring from the other side of the bed. Widening his eyes in an effort to wake up, he took in the decor of the room for the first time.

Teddy bear print wallpaper? A half-eaten cheese sandwich on the bedside table and what he hoped were Malteasers trodden into the carpet....

But where are my clothes?

Joe raised the He-Man duvet cover to check his modesty. Those were definately not his panties.

Can this really be happening?

Wild with delight and anticipation, Joe steadied himself as he prepared to finally gaze at his beloved. Could it be he was at last waking up with Davy?

"Right that's it, sunshine - I'm off"

In a sudden fit of pique worthy of a giddy schoolgirl, Joe rushed into the bathroom and locked the door.

"Joe?", called Davy, quite reasonably,"Is that you?"

There was no reply from the big girly spoilsport.

"Joe?", intoned the compassionate Davy, a paragon of nobility and good-natured humility.

Still there was no reply from the scaly, humourless wretch it the bathroom.

"I'm not coming out until someone else takes over", said the vapid half-wit, dribbling all down his big girl's nighty.


The End

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