Davy and Joe were walking through the woods late at night when suddenly…

“Did you hear that?” Joe whispered.

“Yes,” Davy replied.

“What?! Nobody ever says ‘yes’ to that! Come on man, get with the story!”

“Are you feeling alright Joe?” Davy asked.

“Really now, what are They going to think of us?” Joe muttered.

“Who are They?”

“That’s more like it!” Joe cried and began walking again. “By the way - I didn’t cry there, you really should have gone with ‘said’, or maybe ‘exclaimed’ if you were feeling really sassy.”

“Who are you talking to Joe?” Davy asked nervously.

“You’re embarrassing me Davy,” Joe said. “Sorry folks, he hasn’t managed to get through this wall here quite yet.” He waved his hand daintily back and forth to indicate some sort of invisible wall. “Daintily?! You best watch yourself sunshine! I will kick your ugly teeth in!”

“Can we just keep moving,” Davy pleaded, “these woods really give me the creeps.”

“Fine, let’s go,” Joe said and they began to make there way deeper into the – “You know that spell checkers can’t fix stupidity, right?”

“You need some sense knocked into you,” Davy said as he swung his right arm and hit Joe square in the back of the head with an open palm.

“Don’t you take advantage of his lack of self-awareness!” Joe yelled, sounding quite like a little girl. “That’s it – I am not taking another step until someone with some tiny shred of talent takes over! Maybe that Tasha lady, I quite fancy the way she handles a keyboard.”

“Joe, please, I’m getting hungry -”

“Or that River fellow, I bet he could do up a brilliant dream sequence… if he could ever stop writing about that bloody tree,” Joe continued in a high pitched whine. “Or that Olius lad – I may not know how to pronounce his name, but I like his style. Lord, there are heaps of writers that could do a better job with us than this wanker!”

“Joe, come on,” Davy pleaded with his stubborn as a donkey friend. In fact, he quite looked like a donkey as well. Probably about as smart as one too.

“Sod off, ya plonker. You haven’t described these woods and you’ve hardly talked about what we look like! Let someone with real talent take over!”

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Click to View Author Guidance

This is the story of Davy and Joe.

Joe is aware that they are in a story, being written by an author (well, authors hopefully).

Davy is not.

Davy (unwittingly) just wants the story to move along.

Joe is quite insistent that it be a *good* story.

Davy is a friendly, good-natured fellow.

Joe is a dick.

“Don’t think I can’t see this sunshine!”

Joe is fond of using British insults since there are so many more options that don’t resort to swear words, which he considers himself above using.

“You’re a real bloody tragedy mate, just stop typing.”

Davy is the real hero of the story – without him it wouldn’t go anywhere.

“Well that’s a bit much, isn’t it?”

Joe likes to get the last word in.

“You’re taking longer to write this ‘author’ guidance than you did to write the story!”

updated Sep 19 by Eloosive