Got a tip for having a successful date?
Share it with us - the funnier, the better
This is a not so serious look at dating geared to single, widowed, divorced, or yucky undatable guys between the ages of 50 and 80.
For 50 -65 year olds
Invite her to a barbecue in your back yard, and invite some of her friends too. Maybe some of her friends will wander off with some of your friends, so you might be able to find a moment or two alone to talk.
- Compliment her on her dress, her hair,etc. or whatever you find attractive about her, and be sincere. Women of all ages despise phony baloneys.
- Ask her to help you get the food, plates, etc. out of the house and onto the picnic tables. Women love to be helpful and involved, at least while they're still single. After they put a ring on your finger it could be a different story entirely.
- Start the barbecue with a litre of gasoline.
- Ask her to pay for the pizza after the barbecue blows up.
- Invite your ex wife, ex girlfriend, or the floozie that works your street corner on the weekends.
- Spill a beer down her front then try to lick it off.
- Show her all your surgical scars, particularly if they're below the waist line.
For 65 - 80 year olds
- Invite her to a public event where your friends can also be intermittently in your presence without making her feel overwhelmed and lonely for her own friends. It could be an outdoor concert, or a travelling circus, or a sporting event.
- Introduce her to your closest friends so that they can become her friends too. Make sure that any female friends are already attached to a male friend. As much as it would flatter you to have two women vie for your attention, after the date is over, you may never see her again.
- make her a part of your daily life, and daily activities. Have her join your lodge, or chess club, or bowling league, or nursing home.
- Invite her to a public event that might be distasteful to her - like a strip joint, or a female mud wrestling derby, or a heavy metal rock concert.
- Forget that the lady in question is also 65 - 80 years old, and your activities should be age appropriate. Unless your date is 30 years younger, and only after your money. In that case, enter her in the mud wrestling derby. She would be familiar with dirty tactics.
- Talk about all the women that you've had before.
- Don't bad mouth any of her relatives, even if she hates them too. She'll be forced to defend them just out of family solidarity, and then she'll hate you for it.
- Invite her out for a Sunday drive and neglect to tell her that you lost your license three years ago, because you're as blind as a bat.
- Leave your teeth in her wine glass.