"If Nature Calls, It's In The Back"Mature

Maggie waited for a moment, then, knocked again, slightly louder.  When still no response came, she turned to Danny, who simply shrugged at her.  Maggie turned back to the double doors and took a firm grip on the handle, closing her eye’s she told herself,

 You need this story, you really need this story!’

Maggie pulled the handle and the door swung open, “Hello?” Maggie called in as she stepped inside. The room was spacious and well lit, straight ahead from the entrance stood a very rickety old desk littered with pizza boxes and papers.

To the left of the desk stood an enormous red and silver drum kit, leaning against the drum kit was a purple electric guitar, shaped like a bat. Maggie didn’t like the guitar, something about it was making her skin crawl, like it was watching her.

To the right of the desk was a pool table, balls scattered across the green carpet cloth.  Maggie took a few steps into the office and looked around at the walls, they were mostly bare, a couple of half naked girl posters and a mounted television, which was playing the news.  The wall directly to the left of the desk, however, was adorned with numerous swords, swords with things embedded on them.

Maggie walked very slowly and cautiously to the wall to inspect what she was still hoping were old movie props or something, but as she reached the first sword, a huge European medieval broad sword, she soon realised the grotesque head it speared, was not fake.

The head appeared to have at least seven eyes that Maggie could count, it also seemed to be riddled with bullet holes.  The mouth opened from side to side rather than up and down, and its teeth looked like six inch spears, like a Mako sharks.

It didn’t appear to have any ears, Maggie looked along the remains of its neck and found four slits, gills, whatever this thing had been, it had breathed underwater.

“Wow, cool drum kit” Danny suddenly exclaimed, making Maggie jump,

“Oh so you finally decided to come in then?” she replied,

“Hey I figured if you didn’t come flying back out the door with a sword in your gut I’d be okay”,

My hero”,

“Maggie, what the hell is that thing?” he had seen the head on the sword,

“I have no idea I don’t recognise any of them, do you think their all demons?”

“Some of them, the rest don’t quite have the privilege to be honoured, Demon”.

Maggie and Danny both span around looking for the source of the voice.  Then Danny looked up into the rafters and grabbed Maggie’s shoulder, she looked up with him and they saw a beautiful blonde woman sitting on a cross beam, smiling at them from behind black sunglasses.

“I take it your looking for Dante?” she asked, her voice was very soft and a little patronizing,

“I guess we are now” Maggie replied, “I mean yes, I think so”,

“We don’t actually know the guys name, he helped us out earlier today and we wanted to talk to him about it” Danny continued more helpfully,

“So Dante has groupies, he’ll be thrilled” the blonde responded,

“Is he here?” Maggie asked,

“Sorry, you just missed him, I’d take a message, but I’m not planning on hanging round”, she pushed herself off the beam and fell to the floor, barely registering the eleven foot drop,

“Do you know when he’ll be back?” Danny asked,

“Well let’s just say, it’s a good thing Dante has a reputation round here, otherwise he’d have been cleaned out years ago”,

“So a while then” Danny spat, the blonde just smiled.  Danny was annoyed, but was also finding it very difficult to focus on anything except her skin tight, black leather cat suit, and the rather vicious looking samurai sword on her back,

“Mind if we wait?” Maggie asked,

“Do you what you like” she replied, “but if you’re waiting for an interview Miss Rose, you’re wasting your time” she strode to the door and swung it open,

“Wait” Maggie called, “who are you and how do you know my name?”

The blonde smiled, “I’m Trish” she turned towards the door, “Oh, and if nature calls, it’s in the back” then she disappeared into the night.


Less than four blocks away...


Dante ran the length of the roof top, focusing his sense of smell his keen eye’s checking every shadow and directional hearing checking for any erratic noise.  The roof was about to reach a dead end as it pressed against another, taller building. Dante stopped and pressed his ear against the side of the next building,

“Can’t keep running forever can ya?” he asked the night.

Dante closed his eyes and tried to focus on the creatures heavy footfalls, “Things gotta be thirty feet long, how can it move so quietly?”

The attack came swiftly and suddenly, a massive tentacle swept down from the next building’s roof and wrapped itself around Dante’s waist, there was piercing pain and as a second tentacle moved down to attack, Dante saw it homed dozens of tiny mouths all biting and snapping to get to him.

The tentacle pulled Dante higher up the wall, lifting him right off his feet he drew the Ebony from its holster and pushed the barrel into the attacking appendage.

Dante fired and a shot of blood and flesh sprayed him, but the tentacle only increased the pressure and the tiny mouths bit deeper into his flesh.  The tentacle suddenly lurched up and pulled Dante onto the next roof.

Finally face to face, the creature holding him was about the size of a small elephant, it hand long powerful legs with massive killer claws and jaws the size of a dust bin.  The tentacle were coming from its neck, sliding out from just above its spine, the eyes were black, two huge black balls in the middle of its squashed, fleshy face, the creatures skin was a murky brown, red colour and the smell was putrid.

“Wow, now there’s a face not even a mother could love” Dante taunted the beast, which opened its enormous mouth and roared back, covering Dante in saliva,

“Hey, I asked for the news, not the weather” the teeth biting him gripped again and suddenly the pain became a hundred times worse, the small mouths wrapped around him, had started to eat.

The creature pulled Dante towards it, mouth salivating as it widened, Dante reached back and tried to grab the Rebellion, but the swords sheave was loose and kept sliding just out of reach, Dante was only a foot from being ripped to pieces when he suddenly felt cold metal against his hand and pulled the sword free, swinging it in one swift motion and severing the tentacle.

 The beasts recoiled backwards, screaming in pain as the remains of its limb writhed about in mid air, spraying foul smelling green blood across the scene.  As if to protect itself the second tentacle withdrew into the creatures back, then it lowered itself on its front legs, readying to attack.

Dante rested the blade of his shoulder on his shoulder and brushed a long strand of silver hair away from his face,

“So, you gonna give up now, or are we really going to do this?” Dante asked in a low cocky voice,

“Human insect!” the beasts roared back, “You are no match for my power!”

Dante eyed the monster curiously, “Not your average, run of this mill demon then, who sent you?”

The demon suddenly reared up on its hind legs and what Dante first mistook to be another tentacle, slithered away from its spine and reached out behind it, it had grown a strong, thick tail to balance itself while it stood upright, then it tilted itself head slightly, examining Dante,

You are not an ordinary human.”  

“Never said I was” Dante replied dryly,

You have power.....something behind your eyes........who are you, boy?”

“My world” Dante replied, “I’ll ask the questions, who sent you?”

The massive demon crossed its forearms over its chest and the sides of its mouth curled into a menacing, razor toothed smile,

“Your world we be gone soon little man, and the one true god will reclaim what is rightfully his.”  The demon throw back its head and bellowed a roar like laugh.

Dante’s half smile vanished, ‘It can’t be, it’s too soon?’

Spinning the Rebellion broad sword then thrusting the massive blade towards the demon, Dante screamed, “YOU’RE LYING!”

The demon continued to roar in laughter at Dante, it unfolded its colossal forearms and came slamming down to the ground, shaking the whole building, it’s face only a few feet from Dante,

“He is coming little, pointless man, and when he returns, this world will know no peace ever again, the humans will be no more than food and play things of us!”

Dante casually strolled closer, raised the broad sword again, and poked the demon in the middle of its squashed face, grinning,

“Not if I have anything to do with it, mittens.”

The demon roared again and lunged forwards, snapping its huge jaws in the spot Dante had been standing a split second ago.......but he was gone.  The demon spun around, looking on all sides for Dante, but there was no sign of him.


The demon rolled its eye’s up in their sockets as high as they could go, and just caught a flash of red leather.  The mighty beasts pushed itself up on its hind legs, shaking its body to try and throw Dante off, Dante, however, was sitting on the back on the demons head, holding onto the half severed and now useless Tentacle and laughing at the demon.

“You know, for a powerful ancient demon, you are really, really dumb.”

The demon roared again and threw itself back onto its front legs, Dante held fast to the tentacle as it swung up, over the demons head, then releasing it, he fell neatly to his feet, Ebony and Ivory in hand.



The demon jumped backwards away from the attack, thick green blood spurting from its head wounds.  It clenched it’s teeth in rage, hissing and spitting at Dante, then, arched its body forwards again, and sent its thick, powerful tail flying at Dante.

The tail came smashing down onto the roof top, breaking right through and exposing the room below, Dante  leaping ten feet into the air and landing on a flimsy steel radio antenna, which held fast as if Dante weighed nothing. He heard screams and a door slam in the building below, ‘Well, if you will live in this area.’

The demon turned to look up at him,

“Fight you pitiful creature, are you scared?”

Dante smiled back, winking at the demon, “What’s the matter, don’t you like playing cat and mouse, fluffy?”

Dante pushed back against the antenna then, then, let it fling him forwards, over the demon and landing neatly on the edge of the building, he drew his handguns and began shooting and the demon, it howled in pain and spun around to face Dante, who had holstered his guns, and was now laying casually along the edge of the roof. 

The demon lunged forwards once more, raised up onto its hind legs and held one huge clawed paw over Dante,

“Now, little pest, you die!”

“I don’t think so” Dante replied coolie.  The demon went to attack, then, faulted like it was losing balance, “Drop something?” Dante asked nodding towards the ground at the demons feet, where its severed tail now lay.  The demon could not balance itself and fell onto its back, it swung out with its limbs, trying to turn itself over and get back up, but Dante was too fast.  With one effortless jump, he had landed right on the demons chest, pulled out the Ivory and blasted a huge hole in its flesh.

“Hmmm, what do we have here?”

Where the heart should have been, was a large ball of pulsating molten lava, Dante redrew the Rebellion, the demon opened its mouth, as if to beg for its life,

“Shush now buttons, this won’t hurt a bit.”

Dante plunged the blade deep into the lava heart and felt its pulsing quicken, “Good kitty.”

He leapt down from the beast and rolled to the far side of the roof.  The demon was convulsing violently, thick bursts of hot lava were exploding from the hole in its chest, melt the creatures flesh and reducing it to a sticky mass, just before its screaming head melted into nothing, Dante called, “When you see your boss, tell him I’m waiting will ya, I get bored real quick.”

The End

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