"Ooh. Calm down precious. Why don't you just make sure that everything you say is relevant to the story?"
"Because you keep interupting me!"
"Oh yeah. HA HA HA!"
"Oh just shut up and go and do something you're good at."
"Like what? Being an international lover and playboy?"
"No, I was thinking more masturbating to pictures of kittens."
"Look I was very drunk and didn't know which way was forward or back."
"Well that is a lie or else you wouldn't have been able to do tha thing wi..."
"YES! I get it. And besides, we said we would never speak about that night again because of the bad thing."
"Oh yeah. Sorry Danny. Forgot about that."
"That is OK. But we must remember to NEVER speak about the bad thing."
"Deal. Hang on is that the door."
"Answer the bloody door. I am telling the computer my story my story."
"That sounded so sad."
"Right where was I. Sweet, this thing only puts in speech marks when I am not talking to it. It is like it can read my mind."
This is the story of how me and Danny-the prick who keeps interupting-became friends, and ultimately ended up living together. It all started one cold and foggy night, when I was coming home from work, and I met Danny on the number 27 bus. He was heading to a nightclub, but didn't have enough money for the bus-typical actions of a 24 carat twat-so I offered to pay his fare; and subsequently ended up paying for all his drinks that night.
"Hey Matt, you'll never guess who that was at the door."
"I dunno. Jahova's?"
"OK so you did guess."
"What did he want?"
"He wanted us to join his clan."
"They aren't a clan, they are a religion. What you just said is really disrespectful."
"What you just said was really bent."