If you’ve ever seen a swan dance, then you will understand my story.
Every year the swans make the lakes, rivers, every park the most perfect place. They give them beauty, some magic…
When autumn comes, they move toward south to survive the winter there. In their hearts and their minds there is always their home, and every year they return.
Last autumn I’ve seen two swans dance.
They do their love dance in spring, when they make couples.
It was strange to watch them dance on that rainy day. I expected to see the sunlight reflecting from the water surface on the small lake, but there was no light, no sparks… how sad was that day!
I could feel the pain between two poor birds.
They raised above the water and spread their wings, just like angels would do. Lean on lover’s neck, feel his breath, it was so wonderful!
It lasted for hours and I was bound by the beauty of that sad moment.
As soon as they touched the water again, they stood up and continued dancing.
Then, as the noon passed, they touched for the last time.
One swan flew away, leaving his lady alone on that cold lake.
She was injured and couldn’t fly. He joined other birds and disappeared soon.
I wondered if their dance was real love or just the last acting before they go apart.
It torn my heart apart when I saw the lady swan swimming to a quiet place all alone and watching other birds fly.
It was a familiar feeling, too familiar.
I came there every day.
She never took the seeds which I brought and which she was taking every day until her lover left. After a week she didn’t have half of her feathers. But again, she said hello to me with her dance. That magnificent being was just a ghost of what she was just few days ago.
She never allowed me to touch her. That day it looked like she didn’t have any pride at all and as I felt her tender neck and back I could feel her trembling.
Feeling her lover’s heart moving away from her every hour finally broke her heart.
As I came the next day I could see her dance all alone. I didn’t see any other bird on the lake, but she danced like when he was there.
Then, as another night passed, I saw that it was a sunny day again.
I hoped that she will be better, but I couldn’t find her anywhere.
People I used to meet in that park told me that the poor swan died last night.
She didn’t even manage to see the beautiful sunrise.
Something got broken in me too.
This spring I watched many couples dance, but somehow it just made me cry.
There was this question in me that kept asking if it was possible to leave someone who was the other part of your soul.
It’s just like dying. The lady swan died that day when her lover left and not when her body gave in.
Walking my way home… always makes me remember all this.
Even if nobody remembers a bird that died, I probably always will.
What is the difference between us?
I don’t see any, that’s why I had that heartache as I saw him leaving…
As I enter my apartment… every single day… I feel like she felt.
I turn on the music and dance into the night until I am not sure any more who I am and why I am dancing there all alone. I dance until everything around me gets blurred from my burning tears and the room becomes just a round shape full of fuzzy colours.
Some swans die in autumn, from cold and rain and because they were left alone.
One swan will die this spring, because she never had a chance to fly away with her lover. This dance will be her last dance this season… after the curtain falls she will be nothing more but a memory…