Speaking goth – journey to oblivion

I met many people in my past, who became very important to me. Some of them had that same narrative line, like me... and while we shared a fantasy world, some great stories were born.

For some these are fiction, for us they are just the truth.

Steps through the dark corridor. Their echo fills the room, same as the rushing of the black heavy lace while it strokes over the wet and cold floor. Otherwise it’s deathly silent in here. Not even able to catch a sound of a breath. It’s like the heart stopped pumping and the life is about to run out of the broken body.

I push the heavy stone door and see the light of the early dawn coming closer to me. Everything goes so slowly. Even the light doesn’t move until I allow it. It’s like being captive in a single moment for ages. I feel the cold winter air pinching my skin.
Pulling the long coat closer and letting my long hair fall behind. The ice crystals will find their way through it and make a glittering veil over my hair and clothes.
It’s like being nobody’s bride, just another lost soul, looking for some love.
I look at the mirror one last time.. pale face, running black liner has reached my cheeks already… crying black tears.. and the whole world should see them.
Cherry mouth, cramped in pain.. otherwise there are no emotions carved in my features. I don’t feel anything but that gapping wound in my chest… it’s bleeding and it lets my life drip out… more and more with every breath I take.
And this sorrow is the best and most fateful companion I ever had.
Everybody left me, only my sorrow was there with me at the end.
It sings that sweet lullaby like a caring mother, and it’s deathly hands never let a heart go, once they get them in between those iron fingers.

I feel it pressing on my heart. It’s about to explode.. but I keep walking.. step by step, over the empty street and my thoughts are about to blast my skull.
All those nights filled with cries are behind me and I feel like my screams, if I would just let them out, would break this city in pieces like a huge earthquake.
Yet my lips are mute, moveless, thirsty for life…

I turn around and look behind me. Nothing to see but pieces of my broken soul and marks of my tired feet and my long torn dress. It was time to leave.
If just a hand would grab my wrist and pull me back.. I’d let myself fall and end in that dream again.. but it looks like it’s over and I want to keep what’s left of my pride.

There is a dark carriage waiting for me in the next street. I see the bloody marks from it’s wheels in front of my feet. It could take me away forever. Maybe to a better place… most likely to eternal loneliness. I see a hand asking for my hand as I come closer to it. Another mate is ready to join the voyage into life…
I look back one more time but still don’t see any signs of the tender warm hand I was waiting for, to stop me. More black tears running over my frozen face.. down over the neck and into my heart.. till it drowns in tears… like so many times before.
My mate pulls me closer and kisses my forehead and touches my burning lips slightly. I see comfort in his eyes. Then he takes my hand and helps me get into the carriage.
I don’t dare to look through the small window once more. Realized that I would be able to jump out of the carriage just few moments after the journey starts… after that I’ll become a part of another dream which will lead me into the hidden valley of tears…

As the carriage starts moving I take one last breath and let my mind fall into a dreamless sleep. Wish I knew if I will ever wake up…

The End

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