I love The Lord of The Rings, don’t get me wrong, I love the movies and I love the first book, I couldn’t be arsed to carry on reading. I love it but its just so easy to mock that I just can’t let the damn thing get away with it.

My first problem. The fact they would always call the ring their precious. Gollum in particularly was very small, I’d imagine he wasn’t at all well-endowed, did he used to spend those lonely nights in Moria showing his precious just how much he cared by making sweet sweet love to it? I’d like to think so.

Fan Boys. You aren’t wizards, you aren’t hobbits, and you aren’t elves. Deal with it

I’ve heard people rambling on about how many times they’ve seen this films, since when did seeing a film a lot become an achievment!? Surely that’s just the perfect way to reveal to the world that you have no life at all! Saying that I have a dvd collection that’s now numbered at about 350, so I can hardly talk…

The films were, essentially, 3 films about people walking to a volcano. Surely there was a bus going past Mordor that would’ve allowed them to make it a single film rather than 3?

I won’t even start on the gay vibe.

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Author guidance for This story

Ok, so this is going to be me being slightly #%^*^y and a little bit rude, for that I apoligise. A lot of things annoy me, hell If I'm honest most things do so In thought I'd write about them. You may recognize some of these pieces and think "Hey! I've seen that before!" Well no you haven't, what you've seen was probably just someone else talking about the same thing using the same ideas! I may have taken inspiration from them in some cases but 99.9% of the time these are completely my own ideas. Afterall, who doesn't need a helping hand procrastinating!

updated Oct 25 '08 by astrahurstreborn