Daily Procrastinations- Tom CruiseMature

Ok, so the pint sized dwarf is a great actor, I have to give him that, he may be a little bit odd, what with all the scientology and the names of his children, but apart from that he seems like a pretty stable guy. Of course there was that one incident on Oprah a while back that managed to scare most of the people on the planet and propel Cruise into the path of my venom. I know I’m a little out-of-date here but bear with me!

He was happy, we can’t dispute that, he had fallen in love and he picked a pretty decent girl to do that with, after all Katie Holmes is bloody good looking and as far as I can remember she has a lovelly pair of breasts too, I’m judging by The Gift here. I digress. So he was happy, and he showed it, he showed it in so many ways that I might just have to list them to avoid writing a 10,000 word essay on the subject.


·         Falling to his knees laughing- Ok, so he was happy but really, did he really need to fall to his knees when there was a perfectly good audience to fall into a few feet away? Now that would’ve made good tv!

·         Smiling like a Cheshire cat- Now the last time I checked Tom wasn’t in Alice In Wonderland, that said the way he smiled could’ve fooled me, I almost had to double check. I would hate to have been his jaw muscles at the time…

·         Thigh slapping- He slapped his thighs, who does that anymore!?

·         High fiving- Ok, I like high fiving as much as the next person but the way he did it killed it for me, high fiving just isn’t cool anymore.

·         Jumping up and down- Now I know he’s short but could he not have stood on a box to make himself look taller, surely that would’ve saved him some energy?

·         Banging on the floor- Now I’ve heard of knocking on heavens door but what exactly was he trying to do? Did he think the devil wanted to hear the news?

·         Jumping on the sofa like a chimp- I always told that having your feet on the furniture, especially with shoes on, is very rude. Where were his manners!?

·         Hugging like an over affectionate Labrador- Enough said.

Personally I hope they live a long and happy life together, they’ve certainly amused me a few times. Especially in the wedding photos where I’m sure I could make out Katie Holmes mouthing “Help Me” at the camera.

The End

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