My Dad made it clear from the start, he didn't want me he just wanted his "real son" Dean. I was also his biological son but he refused to believe it. I used to ask myself what I did that was so wrong, now I realise he was just dangerously sick and needed help. After a few weeks, he started to resent Dean as well, Dean looks a lot like our mother so he must of reminded her of him.
When I was two sat Dean on his lap and taught him how to kiss....by kissing him. Dean was also taught numbous other sexual acts, and then made to do them to me. Dean told him years later he hated hurting me the way he did, that his heart broke when I cried and tried to move away. Dean like me didn't understand why our Dad hurt us the way we did. To Dean he's Hero Daddy was gone and in he's place was this Mean Daddy.
Dad also taught us how to hurt people....well he taught Dean by showing him on me. I had it worse then Dean because he refused to believe I was he's son. I remember feeling the pain, luckily I don't have many memories. Because of the pain Dad made Dean cause me, he went though years of self hate starting at six. Dean wore a large burdon for a six year old.
My Dad never feed me and I spent most nights locked up in a cupboard. Dean got food about twice a week-which luckily he always shared with me and spent everynight being raped in our father's bed. Dean slowly became Dad's replacement for our Mom while I stayed as John's punching bag and Dean's sex toy.
I never understood why Dean didn't start to believe what our Dad did, I was luckily he didn't, or I would of died years ago. Dean was the only person to show me any love or kindness, of course with our Dad around he couldn't show me as much as he wanted. I was happy with every sign of affection.
We didn't have any stability, we never stayed in a home. Dad used to move us to a new motel room every week, we traveled across America. To us it was all the same. It matter to me, wherever we were I would spend most of the time in the cupboard and when I wasn't in the cupboard Dad would show Dean how to hurt people on me and or he would have Dean perform sexual acts to me.