My dad doesn't like it when I barrow his jackets. He says I don't put them back properly. I'll forget them someplace and lose them. He wont have access to his own jackets when he needs them.
But I like wearing them. Because its feels like he is there. I can smell him when I'm walking through the woods, and I can think about our conversations. I can feel his presence when I go running, prompting me to push myself. Its almost as if his absence weren't really there, because I can save the best parts of him so I'm never really alone.
But like his jackets, I often feel like when someone else is using it, it wont be there for me. Dad, I miss our talks. I like going fishing with you, and having your real silence, not one that I've created with solitude. I like our conversations in person, because as much as I despise many of your comments, my mind dad doesn't have the perspective you do, and has a harder time surprising me.
So I'm sorry I barrow your jackets. I soppose its my way of not missing you. We both understand the concept of wanting something that's not there. But a jacket can never replace a dad. I'd rather have you around, not your jacket. And if you were with me, you wouldn't need to nag me for taking it, you could just ask and it would be there.