Steffi sat hunched on her bed, My Chemical Romance thudding into her skull, practically melting her eardrums. All she wanted to do was forget. She thought if she couldn’t hear herself cry she might forget her pain.
Except she couldn’t. Despite her best efforts, she couldn’t help but revisit that catastrophic day again…..
The smell of bacon that she smelled as she stretched under her crisp duvet, the crisp new sheets crinkling beneath her as she had sat up, hastily brushing her ash blonde hair out of her brown eyes as she shuffled sleepily down to the kitchen.
“Morning, love” he had smiled, his nose and eyes crinkling as he did. She could still smell the deodorant in the air when she had gone to the bathroom, and although she noticed the razor in the bathroom, he still had a five o’clock shadow. Mum must have used his razor on her legs again.
Steffi remembered how she had complained about the lack of fried eggs at breakfast. Her mother and sisters hadn’t been there, so he had decided to drive down to the shop to get eggs. Her mother would have told her to stop being so spoilt.
He climbed into the electric blue Volkswagen saloon and had waved to her as she watched him from the living room. She watched him drive away, before slumping down in front of Kerrang! to dream about eyebrow piercings and black hair dye. She heard the shrieking brakes and the sirens, but never thought…….
Steffi gave up trying to hold back. She let the tears flow freely as she thought of the police man turning up on the doorstep, just as she was starting to get worried about her dad. She remembered collapsing in his arms when he told her. She remembered her mother returning home and clutching her, grabbing at her, as if trying to make sure Steffi herself hadn’t been……….
A drunk driver, they said. A late night partier travelling home from his Saturday night out on the town, with enough alcohol to keep a brewery in business in his system. They told her over and over again, in the police station, at the funeral, in the court, that it was his fault. But Steffi didn’t care. She knew who’s fault it was.