Curlers raise money and awareness before Olympics by selling...thingsMature

The curling team sat at their home curling club huddled around a round table chipped in many places by repeat beer bottle banging. They, not surprisinlgy, were partaking in more beer bottle drinking, having just finsihed their game---a game that had qualified them for the Olympics.

Coming from a small town, this was no small feat. Heck, had they come from a town of seventy trillion it would have been a big feat.

Alas they were just from a small town and now each and every one of their townspeople were coming over to their table to shake their hands.

"Good job boys, hell of a shot there in the fifth end. We didn't even see that one from up here," one man said to Skippy, who ironically happened to be the lead on the team.

"Thanks," Skippy said, turning his attention back to his beer.

"Jeez lads, you're going to the Olympics. I guess you'll have to shave your backs if you want to look good in them togas won't you? Good luck in Greece," the club drunk asked them.

"They don't wear togas and the Olympics aren't in Greece," said Lad, who happened to be the team's skip.

"Oh well good luck boys, I'll go get a drink on you guys," the club drunk added as he stumbled up to the bar, dropping his first then second drink on the floor before finally getting to a table with half of his third.

The club drunk had just unknowinlgy cast a pall over the proceedings. the team was happy to be heading to the Olympics, but the team was also well aware that qualifying as they had just done, was the easy part. Finding money for travel and accomodation was not.

All four of them knew this too, hence the sombre atmosphere at their table.

It was Theo, the second, who finally broke the silence amongst the team.

"We're effed aren't we guys?" he asked honestly.

"As far as I can tell we are," Sekera, the third, answered honestlier.

"Completely," seconded Skippy the lead.

They all sihed deeply and swore to themselves.

"Do you think someone here would enough money to sponsor us?" Lad the skip asked.

They looked around the club taking in the cast of characters.

One woman, from behind, looked quite welll put together. She had a brown leather purse slung over her shoulder and was wearing a nice white blouse tucked in to a form-fitting skirt.

"Maybe her," Theo the second said pointing to the woman.

Who then turned around to display what they hadn't hoped for. If from behind she looked aristocratic, from the front, she looked homeless. One boob hung out of the wide-open white blouse that was not ucked in to the form-fitting skirt since there was a big hole where the button should have been. The purse, although it was still leather and still expensive looking, was little more than a portable Tequila Rose carrying case.

"She looks like she's going to throw up," Lad the skip pointed out. "If we're going to ask for money we should do it before she throws up in her purse."

With that he got up from his seat and started to walk towards her.

Then she threw up in here purse and he turned on the spot and sat back down at the table.

"I don't think she's interested," suggested Sekera the second.

"I got that impression too," agreed Lad the skip.


They looked around some more and still nobody stuck out to them as people who would have money, or more importantly, who would have money and have the physical ability to fill out a cheque to hand over the money.

"Guys there's no question, it's game over for us. It's hard to imagine we've come all this way only to be stumped by a financial issue but look at the people around us. For god's sake, that guy at the bar is wearing a garbage bag as pants. People here aren't going to be able to help us and I sure as hell won't be spending my own money on the Olympics," Lad the skip said. "If I do, I won't have any money for beer...or rye."

"Come on Lad," said Skippy the lead. "You're getting carried away. Nobody would ask you to give up beer just to go to the Olympics. I think as a team we can decide right now to withdraw. Any objections?"

Nobody around the table seemed to ready to make one. Until Sekera the third piped up.

Duh, we can sell condoms," he said to his teammates. "Sell them and use the money we make to go to the Olypmics."

"Holy crap Sekera," said Theo the second. "We can do that. That makes perfect sense. We go buy them at the drugstore, bring them here to the club and sell them to people."

"We can even sell them on the street," added Skippy the lead.

The three of them nodded in agreement and then started knuckle tapping one another. Sekera the third even yelled to the club drunk to get another beer on the team, which he proceeded to do after four spilled ones.

"We need to butter them up so they'll buy lots of condoms. God we should have thought of this earlier," Skippy the lead said.

Only Lad the skip was silent and he continued to be silent, tilting his head from one side to the other as if in deep thought. Finally he spoke up.

"Guys, I'm the skip here and I need to say something," he said and the team turned to look at him. "I'm sorry I'm so stupid, but what exactly is the condom plan again?"

Sekera the third spoke up.

"Don't feel bad Lad, it can be tough to see the merits of the plan at first. We're going to buy lots of condoms from a store. then we're going to bring the condoms that we bought here to the club and we're going to sell them to people. then when they give us the money we're going to put that in a bank account and we'll use that money to go to the Olympics."

Sekera the third looked Lad the skip in the eyes as Lad the skip tried to digest the plan.

"So we're going to spend the money to buy the condoms? We're not going to steal them or anything?"

"We'll buy them," said Sekera the third.

"And then we're selling them at a really high price becasue everyone's so drunk?" Lad the skip asked, assuming this must be the money making part of the plan that he was missing.

"Well not too high a price, we still want people to buy them," piped in Skippy the lead.

"Yeah, people still need to buy them," agreed Theo the second.

"Ok guys, I'm going to be honest again, I don't see how this ig going to work. Why don't we just put the money right into a bank account?" Lad the skip suggested.

"Look at these people Lad," Skippy the lead said to his leader. "Those people over there are having sex right in now," he said pointing to a very hairy man and very large woman who indeed seemed to be having unprotected sex. "If we give them a condom, there's a reduced chance a baby will come of their copultation."

"Ok, but that's trying to preserve some dignity in the human race, that's not part of raising funds for the Olympics," Lad the skip said. "Soo if that's the plan,, I'm in, but I still think we're out of the Games."

"Damn it Lad. stop thinking like a curler!" yelled Theo the second. "Just give your money over and let us get the condoms. You won't have to do anything else."

Lad the skip took one more look around the club and saw two more couples engaged in carnal relations.

"Maybe you're right," he said to his team and handed over 20 dollars to Skippy the lead which everyone else also proceeded to do. "Here's to the Olypmics!" he added raising his glass in a toast.

The team withdrew the next day after the condoms were stolen from their car later that fateful night.

The End

1 comment about this story Feed