I felt almost like I was in Alice's Wonderland, staring at a cake that said 'eat me'. The situation I found myself in couldn't be any stranger. I looked down at Steve and Melissa on the sofa, kissing passionately. I wanted to throw up. Instead, I stuffed half the cookie in my mouth, wishing desperately to go back to the café. For a moment I felt crazy dizzy, so I closed my eyes against the swirling world around me. When I opened them again I was back at the table with Karaleen.
"Now do you want to kill him?" she grinned.
"No, of course not. I told you I couldn't kill anybody."
"Can I kill him, then?"
I couldn't believe this woman. She seemed so sweet, caring and grandmotherly, yet she talked about murder like it was something common in her life. I reached for my purse, which I had left on the table between us. I pushed my chair back in preparation to getting up, when Karaleen was suddenly behind me, pushing my chair back in.
"No, no. please stay. I'm sorry I've made you uncomfortable. We won't talk about jerk-off Steve anymore. Is there anyone else you'd like me to kill?"
I gasped in horror, and she laughed as she returned to the chair across from me.
"I'm teasing you. You're a nice girl. I like you. You deserve someone better than that creep. Let's talk about something more pleasant. Do you like dragons?"
"Yeah ... I guess," I said, confused by the sudden turn in conversation.
"How about unicorns, elves, faeries, witches, wizards and dwarves?"
"Y ... y... yeahhhhhh," I said uncertainly.
"Have you ever kissed a centaur?"
I gawked at her. This woman had so many bats in her belfry I could smell batshit. I shook my head violently as I eyed the distance from our table to the door. I was just about ready to make a run for it when she reached over and patted my hand, which still rested on my purse.
"Now now, don't be frightened. I'm just trying to establish what sort of person would be a good match for you."
"What sort of person? You're talking about fictitious characters - fairytale people. They're not real."
"Aren't they now?" she smiled as she winked at a rather tall green-suited leprechaun who was crossing the floor with a full carafe of coffee to fill our cups with.