I stepped through the school gates and made sure Josh wasn't anywhere close, this was becoming a regular occurrence, usually if I saw him I'd change directions or hide. Once I was sure Josh hadn't arrived yet - I could tell because Caleb was by himself looking at his cell phone, ever since I'd told Josh to go away he'd been glued to the hip of Caleb. Caleb's face went pale and his hand began to shake, I ambled over to him and looked from his cell to his face,
"Are you okay?" I asked as if he were a stranger to me, which to be honest he was,
"It's Josh," he said his voice wobbly, my heart stammered,
"What about him?"
"He was in a car crash yesterday and he...his da-," Caleb began to stammer but I heard the gist of what he said, "died," I swallowed and backed away from Caleb, my mind hurt as I tried to get away from him. Josh had died? What did this mean? I leaned against some lockers and let the pupils pass me by without a care in the world. I began to feel dizzy and sick - why was I having this reaction? I had hardly known Josh, I had only eaten with him a handful of times, slept in his house once, met his mother and he'd treated me to food, clothes and a hairdresser, I blinked. He had been the only person in this school to pay attention to me, the only person ever in fact, he'd gone out of his way to be nice to me and I had thrown it right back in his face. But I had to; I needed to stay below the radar, if only I had told Josh right when I'd met him. He would have helped me, I was sure of it. The bell rang and I pushed myself off the locker and headed alone into math, then English and then biology... the day dragged on and on.
After my shift at work I walked out down Josh's street, at a time so close to his death I wanted to be near his mother - as a soft, silent comforter. I opened the door into Josh's outdoor shed; someone - I presume Josh - had turned it into more of a fun house. There was a flat screen TV, DVD player, Xbox, laptop, two sofas, desk, microwave and fridge all lined up against the wall. The shed was so large it had stairs; I crept up them silently and saw a camp bed, a door leading to a shower room and a shelf of DVDs and video games. I rested down on the bed and clutched the blanket close to my chest, it smelt just like Josh... I began to cry again uncontrollably but I didn't care, no one was here to find me, even if his mum came in I'm sure she wouldn't mind my sneaking in. There was a beep from the room downstairs and I slowly went back down the stairs and tried to figure out what it was, the laptop had a message on the screen, getting closer it was an instant message.
Hey J, how are you? You don't talk anymore! What happened with that girl you fancied? Sarah was it? How's school? How are the lessons? What's the weather like? Sorry I'll stop the questions, but reply!!! Haven't spoken in AGES! X
I re-read the message and mashed my eyebrows, Josh had fancied me? Soon the information began to add up, why would someone buy me food? Clothes? Style my hair if they didn't like me? I wasn't sure if this was a bad thing, I thought Josh had been doing it out the kindness of his heart but really he had had a crush on me... Then again who would have a crush on someone like me? I had messy hair, dirty style-less clothes; I didn't have fancy perfumes or possessions. My heart began to warm, he really must have liked me, suddenly the warmth disappeared as I remembered that Josh wasn't around. I leant over the keyboard and typed a sentence,
Hey, it's Sarah. Yesterday Josh was involved in a road accident, he and his father
I couldn't seem to type the last four-letter word.
What?! What happened?
Came the reply, I had to tell them...
They both died.
I wrote, I collapsed onto the sofa and buried my head in the pillow and cried. I cried for the loss of Josh's life, the loss of his father's life, the loss of a relationship we could have had, the loss of my only friend.