I won't let myself love her...Mature


"Mason, we have to talk about something very important..." My dad started. "It's about your mother."

The moment I walked down the stairs, I was greeted by my dad and mom sitting at the table waiting for me. I was a little scared to be honest since my parents aren't really serious people. I looked up from my cup and stared into his eyes, trying to decipher what he meant by that.

Does she have cancer? Is she going to die? Surely she's not dead. She's sitting right in front of me. I had so many thoughts racing through my mind and no way to tame them. What an excellent way to start my weekend.

"Okay...?" I furrowed my brows together.

"I've...made a decision." My mom started. Oh brother...

"I'm getting...help."A tear left her cheek and she looked up into my eyes giving me reassurance that the brown pools of her eyes were full of sadness.

I tilted my head to the side, confusing filling my face. "What's going on?"

My dad hesitated. "Your mom's going to rehab. For her drinking." I looked at him in shock before a scoff left my lips.

"Your kidding, right?" I looked between them. My mom smiled and shook her head. She stopped looking at me and adverted her gaze to the marble table she was sitting at.

"Mom's been drinking since...God knows when. That's just her. She doesn't have a problem, dad. She's just-"

"Unstable." He finished my sentence for me, grabbing my palm, I pulled it back. He just sighed and shook his head.

"Does Dax know about this?"

"Now I do." I turned to see the small little kid next to the staircase, dazed.

"Dax I-" 

"No. I don't need to hear it." Dax cut dad short. "Just leave and don't bother saying goodbye." He was now talking to mom, his chin quivering. "Just leave, like the rest did." He let a tear slip as he walked up the stairs.

"Dax-" My mom started.

I turned around to face them. "I'm going to go talk to him." I stated.

"No! Let me finish for Christ's sake!" My mom stood up, taking me by surprise.

"You think I want to leave my life and family here to go live in a room alone, sucluded from the world with only stranger's to talk to for help?" 

I kept quite, which was probably the best option for me at this point being that I set her off by now.

"I'm not coping, Mason." She wiped her tears away. She looked back at my dad. He shook his head signaling for her to say what she was about to say. 

"I'm not sure if you remember but, you had a younger sister when you were younger." I looked at her in shock, taking in a deep breath and sitting down, feeling as if I would faint if I didn't.

"You two were the closest pair ever." She let out a light chuckle, shaking her head. Behind her my dad left and went down the downstairs hallway to his office, probably deciding it was best to leave my mom and me alone.

"You two used to paint each other's nails, sing together, play dress up. I could never get you two alone. You even used to bath together when you were babies." She smiled.

"So I wasn't born alone?" I questioned, trying to make sense of this. I was not mad, not sad, but just. I don't know. I didn't expect to wake up this morning and have all this crash down on me like this.

She walked over to the living room, taking a seat across from me. "Right. You came first and she came about three minutes later." I shook my head, thinking this through.

"So where is she?" I questioned.

My mom sighed and started talking again. "One day during the summer, you two were playing together outside." She paused. "It was just me, you, and Tori, that was her name." I smiled a little to myself.

"You two were playing tea party and your dad was at work. You and Tori were dressed in your sun dresses, waiting for the time for us to go to church." I chuckled a little in my mind. I haven't been in church for at least two years. We just....stopped going by then.

It was now that I knew something was wrong. My mom's face became contorted and twisted into a sad yet gentle frown. "I um, I picked you up first and put you in your booster seat. It was green just like Tori's. You two both had the same favorite color." I felt tears fall from my eyes. Green is 'till this day my favorite color.

"Well I, I picked Tori up and put her in the seat next to you." She leaned over with her elbows on her knees, folding her hands together.

"We were doing fine, I promise we were. I- I got lost..." I felt my heart drop into the pit of my stomach as I felt everything inside of me died. In this moment, nothing mattered anymore. All the problems I had to deal with measured not even an inch to this one. 

"It all happened so fast. We were at a red light and you started crying....I don't even remember why anymore." She laughed. "I turned around to help you and I didn't know the light changed... But me being as stupid as I was, once I heard someone's horn go off, my foot just hit the pedal..."

"Oh god..." I muttered more to myself than her, bringing my hand to my mouth.

"By the time I tried to cross the street it was a red light and a truck came from the left side." My mom let her hands drop from being intertwined.

"The truck...." She started sobbing uncontrollably. "It came and hit the car." 

It was now my turn to cry.  My stomach started to churn and twist. My head started hurting and I could hear my pulse running in my eardrums. All the blood in my body rushing throughout my veins, I too, started sobbing. 

I cried. I cried so hard I hiccuped. And then I cried some more. The whole time, something weird happened.... I starting remembering....everything. I started remembering our memories...me and Tori's memories. 

Going to soccer practice together...tea parties...singing in the mirror...long summers....everything. It came flooding back more than I could handle.

"The truck hit Tori's side of the car." My mom finished. I felt someone's arms engulf me.The moment she held me, my arms wrapped around her shoulders from under her arms as her hands started running through my hair. Crying into my mother's shoulders, more and more things came flooding back. I cried so much the lids on my eyes burned and itched. And then it hit me.

With my head still buried in my mom's shoulders, my eye's flickered open. "Wait..." I whispered, my face still against her chest, "Those pictures of me in the hospital... you said it was from an extreme asthma attack..." I've had asthma my whole life, so I didn't doubt her statement when she told me a few years back. When I was younger I was looking and roaming the house and I found an album. It was filled with pictures of me in the hospital....and of another little girl with me. 

"...You said that girl in those pictures were Bonnie..." I felt my mom start to tremble underneath me. My arms dropped from underneath her and her hand stopped running through my hair. She let out a sigh.


"No..." I pushed her off me, face in shock. I felt the heat start to rush to my face. I stood up for the first time since she started talking about Tori and though it wasn't long, now standing it felt foreign to me. Like I haven't stood in my life before. I felt so week in the knees and my hands were shaking.

"You kept her from me..."

She quickly stood up and tried to reach for me, only to have me step back away from her. "Dont." I warned her, putting my hand up.

"You were in a coma the whole summer plus another month. I felt horrible. I was the only one who had minor injuries and I caused the accident! When you woke up...I didn't know if I could tell you...or better yet let you deal with the fact that your sister's gone-"

"So when was this, huh? How old was I?" I cut her off.


"Ten years?! You had ten years to tell me and you choose the day that you are about to leave us to tell me?"


"Oh so what's Dax then? Is he some kind of back up or decoy boy since you lost one? Did you only bring him into this house because you lost a child and needed another?"

She kept silent.

"Unbelievable..." I muttered to myself, shaking my head in disgust.

"I bet you got Bonnie and her family into this too, huh? Getting them to lie and say that little girl....I mean...Tori is Bonnie?"

"They loved that little girl as much they did Bonnie and you. Joseph and Cindy only agreed because we couldn't see you hurt-"

"I am hurt!" I screamed. "Can't you see that? No matter when you chose to tell me, if you ever were otherwise to begin with, it would still hurt!"

"How can you live with yourself."

"I couldn't! I still can't! I turned to drinking so I could deal and I moved on and pushed it behind me and moved forward because I still had one more child I had to deal with and if I was going to raise you I needed to move on. You needed to move on..."

"You are the most selfish inconsiderate person I have ever come across." I sneered. "That wasn't you decision to make!"

"Your the fucking one who started crying and made me turn from the road!" She bellowed, walking towards me until she was face to face with me.

My chin quivered and I felt like the floor was about to chew me and swallow me whole. "Oh....so it's my fault then."

"No! I didn't mean it like that! I'm just frustrated..."

Wiping my face with the back of my hand, and walking over to the door, I pulled my shoes on and threw on my jacket. 

"Where do you think your going?"She asked.

"Anywhere away from you." I turned on my heels leaving her in the house.

"Please! I'm sorry!" She stood at the door. 

"It's too late for sorry now, Lauren."

"Oh Mason, stop this foolishness! Get in the house now!"

"Why? So you can tell me that I also used to have a cat but you buried her in the back yard because you didn't want me to deal with me losing a pussy cat?!"

She stared at me in shock. 

"Don't look at me like that." I turned from her gaze and starting walking towards the sidewalk. Goddamn. I forgot my car keys at home.

"Mason you have no right to be disrespectful to your mother!" My dad came outside. This was sure to give the neighbors a story to gossip about.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I turned to look at him. "You both kept my sister from me!"

"She's gone! She's not coming back and there is nothing your mother, me, nor you can do to change that!"

"Save the speech for your decoy boy you got from Mexico."

My dad looked at me in shock. "What do you mean?"

"Oh fucking save it! We all know you only got Dax because you lost Tori." I sighed. My instincts told me to look up and when I did, I saw Dax crying next to the window. Shit. He was listening to everything we were talking about! He heard what I called him...

Turning, I started walking.

"You come back here young lady! Mason! Mason!"

"Fuck off." I cursed, walking down the sidewalk.


It was about two p.m. and I had nothing to do. The only thing I had planned to do was have a bum day and sleep over with Mason. 

Ding dong, dong ding. I heard the door bell and then a few  hard knocks on the door.

"Coming!" I yelled, getting up from my Vampire Diaries marathon on Netflix to go get the door.

"Mason!" I threw myself at her, waiting for her to hug me back. When I realized that wasn't going to happen, I detached myself from her to look at her.

"Mason...your face is red! Have you been crying?" She didn't answer, she just stood there. So I asked her another. "Do you want to come inside?" She didn't even flinch. I then knew something was terribly wrong. 

Pulling her inside the house, I closed the door and stood in front of it looking at her. She pulled her hands out the pockets of her jacket and wiped her face before shaking her head and looking at me.

"You knew." She whispered.

"Knew what..." I asked confused.

"You knew about Tori." I felt every muscle in my body, joint, and blood stop.


"Mason what? Huh? All anyone can say is "Mason" as if my name is the fucking answer i'm looking for!"

"I was six! What was I supposed to say?"

"You were supposed to tell me this! I bet you would have never told me had I not brought it up!"

"I don't want to fight with you, Mason." I sighed. It's so hard to fight with her. It's always been. She's just so...important to me and I don't like to hurt her.But I did anyways.

"You pretended to be my sister! Can you not see how crazy that is?!"

"I know your upset, but-"

"No, Bonnie. I'm more than upset. I'm hurt."

"I was wrong! Okay? I was wrong to keep it from you and if I could turn back time I would have told you earlier. I shouldn't have went behind your back and agreed to do this. And for that I am sorry! I almost lost you because of that jackass Princeton, I can't lose you again. Not because of me or anybody."

She just kept quite, which is worse than yelling in my opinion.

"Please Mason, your like my sister!"

"But i'm not!" She yelled, causing my heart to break. "Tori was my sister! Not you. Your just a liar."

"For fuck's sake Mason! Your not the only one who's upset here!" I felt the water works coming.

"Oh really? 'Cause it sure feels that way." She turned and pushed me out of the way walking out the door.

Shock with my mind in a frenzy, I sat on the floor sobbing. I'm not trying to be a cry baby, but she's always been there for me. She's been my sandbox buddy since we first met. And I never though this would get out. 

"Bonnie! What's wrong sweetie?" My mom came running down the staircase to kneel down next to me.

"She knows, mom. Mason knows about Tori." My mom's face fell as she wrapped her arms around me.

"How...?" She asked. 

"I don't know..." I answered truthfully.

I wasn't just crying about this....But I was also crying because there's more that she doesn't know. More that if she did know, she would never forgive me for keeping from her. 


Getting up, I went to open the door. What was behind it surprised me. Mason was standing in front of the door, with a slight smile on her face, but her eyes told me that her emotions were not what they seemed.

I didn't know what I was supposed to say... I never have to deal with this shit. I was in the middle of a meeting with the guys about the new gang that came into town and how we wer going to get rid of them. This is our town and we weren't about to let some new group take it from under us.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

She looked a little taken back. "I just... I didn't know where to go. I though I could come here since everyone else in the fucking world is keeping secrets from me. But since your not open, I'll just leave." She let out a sarcastic smile.

"Ugh, Mason wait," I grabbed her wrist. She turned to face me. It was the first time I took a real good look at her face. Her eyes were pink and puffy, she had her teeth sunk into her bottom lip and dried tears on her face. Even when she was sad, I still found her beautiful.

"What? Is there something on my face?" She questioned. I laughed.

"Yup." She started panicking. I enjoyed getting her like this.

"Where is it?" She started patting her face and squeezing it, trying to find anything out of the ordinary.

"For starters, you have two pairs of eyes on you, a nose and lips." I smirked, earning a laugh from her. I paused for a moment. "You also have tear streaks and puffy eyes."

Mason looked down. "Yeah, today started off....great. Couldn't be more fantastic." She sneered sarcastically.

"Come inside." I started walking towards the door waiting for her to do so also. But I didn't hear any footsteps.

"Aren't you coming? You came here to come inside and talk, didn't you?" 

She smirked, following me into the house.

"Massy!" Carson yelled first, causing everyone to turn around and look at us.

"Hey Massy! What's up?" Jeremy got up and hugged her. 

"Nothing, i'm great. How you guys catching up?" She smiled back,trying to make conversation.

"You know, busy. Just barely making it." Jeremy smiled, earning a nod from Mason. I think he noticed something was wrong 'cause he backed up.

"I'll leave you two alone now. Go have fun up there, but not too much." He winked at me.

"Really?" I questioned him before walking up the stairs.

"Hey Michael, we'll finish this later okay?" Miles interjected. I shook my head yes and lugged up the stairs, walking into my bedroom and sitting on the bed.

"So, what happened?" I asked. Mason was standing in the doorway, leaning against the door frame.

She took off her jacket and shoes, dropping them on the desk next to the door before walking over to it and sitting on the chair. I gave her all the time she needed to get comfortable because I knew this was not going to be a light conversation. 

She started inching towards the front of the bed where I was sitting, causing me to chuckle at her attempt to roll the chair towards me while she was sitting on it. The room is pretty big so it would take minutes before she got here.

Finally giving up, she got off the chair and pushed it towards me, sitting her self on it. Once she was settled, she brought her left leg up and folded her arms laying them on her left knee and placing her head on her arms.

"Better?" I smirked.

"Better."She giggled before her smile faded. I was already starting to miss her smile knowing it probably won't be coming back while she stayed here in my room. But I'd have to find a way around that.

"My mom... well everyone come to think of it, was keeping a big secret from me." She started. I shook my head urging her to keep going.

"I had... a sister. Her name was Tori." She stated. I looked at her puzzeled.

"Wait, I thought it was just you and Dax?"

"Yeah, that's what I thought too." She sighed. "But, my mom told me just now that she's going to rehab for her drinking which I didn't know was that bad." She let out a faint but sad smile.

"She was drinking to cope with the death of her six year old daughter she got killed in a car crash." She started tearing up again.  She closed her eyes. 

"I was apparently in a coma and when I woke up I didn't remember a thing. So my mom took it to her advantage to make up a lie for me to remember in order to explain why I was in the hospital. I hadn't remembered I had a sister, that I was in an accident, hell I didn't remember shit apparently." She wiped her tears and continued.

"My mom told me I had an asthma attack and I believed her. That's when everything clicked." She dropped her leg and put it on the bed next to my leg across from her.

"I remembered everything. All Tori and I's memories, and I remembered a photo album I saw when I was younger. My mom made up another lie saying that it was Bonnie in those pictures, when It was really Tori. They kept her from me, Michael. They didn't want me to know I had a sister. They wanted to forget about her."

I stared at the intensity in her face. I didn't know how to make her feel better. I'd only known little things about her and that wasn't enough to comfort her. So I leaned in and kissed her lips.

I felt her hands come in contact with my shirt before she pushed me away. 

"What are you doing?" She questioned. I smirked. 

"Don't act like you didn't want it." 

She looked at me before leaning in and crashing our lips together. I could sense her body relaxing once she kissed me. Mason got up from the chair and got into a straddle position on me, never leaving my lips once.

I bite her bottom lip, causing her to moan and allow the entrance I need. I slip my tongue inside Masons mouth and our tongues starting exploring each other's mouths. I feel her hand run through my hair, pulling at the ends. 

I let my hands roam her sides and slide down the back of her jeans before I squeezed her ass, earning a groan from her making me smirk into the kiss.

After making out for what felt like too short, we detached each others lips knowing that if we didn't we'd pass out because of lack of oxygen. Mason's forehead met mine as my heart raced at an uneven pace, her's doing the same based on her panting.

I placed light kisses around and on her lips, just to make her smile which I succeeded at.

Once she started breathing correctly, she pulled away from my face before looking at me. "Thank you." She looked at me sincerely.

"For what?" I smiled knowing very well why.

"For making my shitty day less shitty." She smirked.

"Are you sure it's not because i'm an amazing kisser?"

"Your such a cocky piece of-"

"What? Eye candy?" Mason let out a real laugh for the first time since she got here.  I don't know why but ever since I met her I felt as if it was my duty to make her smile more.

 She wasn't like other girls. Every girl in school wants to throw themselves at me and rock me on their arm but Mason's sincere. She actually has...substance. But I cant, I wont let myself love her. Everyone I love gets pulled into my lifestyle and gets hurt.

Mason stood up and stretched her limbs as I stood up myself. Walking over to the desk, I picked up her stuff and handed them to her.

"What are you doing?"

"Kicking you out." I stated simply, putting her biker jacket on her shoulders and turning to face her as I dug my hands into my pockets, thumbs sticking out.

"Why the hell did I even come here? I don't need your fucking sympathy." She sneered and turned on her heels, but I caught a hold of her first and shut the door.

"I'm kicking you out because you need to go to your mom. You need to talk to her Mason."

She looked up at me, face softening now that she knew I wasn't trying to hurt her. But it contorted into a look of confusion. Folding her arms, she looked up at me.

"And why is that?"

"Because she loves you and she's leaving today. Do you really want to let your mother go for God knows how long and not say goodbye first?" I searched her face for a response as she dropped her head to look at the ground.

"Look, I know how it feels to loose family. Look around Mason. Do you see my family anywhere around here? No. Because I let them go. I don't want that for you."

It was the truth. I had a little sister named Kali and a little brother named Keaton that I haven't seen in years. Two to be exact. Two years. I remember it like it was yesterday.

"You-you lost your family?" She looked up at me.

I let out a sigh. I don't know why i'm talking to this with her if I don't even talk to the boys about this kind of stuff. "Yes. Kali and Keaton are my siblings, Melissa and Collin my parents." I responded.

I think she noticed how personal it was because she didn't push it like she normally would with anything else. She just put her hand on my arm and looked at me, smiling. For once I felt like there was a girl who cared about me and didn't want anything in return for it but the same mutual emotion.

Dropping her hand, she leaned in on her tip toes in order to reach my face, kissing my lips for a while and then kissing my cheeks.

"Bye Michael." She smiled and turned to leave.

"And thank you, for being here for me when no one else is." She had the knob in her hand as she turned to me before closing the door and leaving me there standing. 

What is this girl doing to me?


"Mason!" My mom ran over to me giving me a hug I did not return.

"I came to say goodbye." I stated simply while my mom just simply nodded her head in understanding.


The drive to the airport was very uncomfortable. The whole time everyone stayed quite and my dad, who wad driving, would occasionally take a few glances in the rear-view mirror to look at us and send a smile I didn't return nor care to look at.

Once my mom was outside and ready to go, Michael's words of his family came back to mind. I really didn't have it bad. I though to myself. I least I still have both my parents, for now.

So when my mom was about to walk away, I ran over to her and hugged her.

"I love you so much, Mason. I'm sorry." She cried into my shoulder. I just kept silent, quietly sobbing into her shoulder before letting her go.

"Goodbye, mom."





The End

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