Hurt and Loss
My dream although scary still made me cry in my sleep. I had dried tears on my face when I woke up ready to shower. After a long - and by long I mean long - shower I had cleaned off all of my emotion from the previous day and night. I left Lauren alone in her bed. It was tempting to wake her up nosily at the chance she might have a hangover but I decided against it. I was the better person.
I stuffed everything into my bag before she got up and went to leave. Before I had a chance to exit I grabbed my keys and pushed them in my bag also. I would never remember them.
It was extremely early and no one was up but it didn't stop me sitting down in the empty lunch hall with my coffee-labelled tea. It was lucky that the kitchen was never fully closed to me otherwise I would never get tea or hot chocolate when I wanted them.
"Ah Miss Sawyer I see you are still relabeling your drinks." Mrs. Krupt walked into the dining room obviously here for the same reason as me - a hot drink to wake you up. I smiled at her.
"What can I say? It's hard to teach an old dog new tricks."
"You're not old Lila. Just set in your ways. How is tutoring coming on?" Wow she can hit a nerve in minimal time.
"I actually stopped that." Her face dropped. "It wasn't working and I guess if I don't have any power now I never will." I sighed.
"So you're accepting the fact that you're a powerless human?" She asked with her eyebrows raised.
"Guess so. You want to kick me out of school now, right? Now that you know I'm not special or magical." She laughed. I didn't find this matter funny at all. I was being completely serious.
"Miss Sawyer you never cease to amuse me. I am not going to kick you out. I don't have the power."
"Thanks Krupt." She smirked at me and took a large gulp of her cup. I've always loved the smell of coffee just not the taste.
"So has the whole Irish thing died down yet? I can't blame you for taking a liking to Mr McCauley but be careful there. It's against the rules you know and how is he suppose to do his job if you get him fired. Trust me Lila it is in your best interest if you control yourself." I would have denied it but something bugged me. She said it was my best interest - my. She walked off out of the hall and left me alone pondering my thoughts.
I sat in the hall for about an hour until the students began filing in. I was sat at my usual table so people didn't seem to think twice about me sitting there. However when I saw Lauren walk in it really struck a nerve with me. She was laughing and walking side to side over to the table with Jamie Kent - the fake bleach blonde that insults me on a daily basis. When they saw me Jamie gave a bitchy look and Lauren gave a confused one. Why? It was as much my table as hers.
Be the better person I kept repeating in my head.
I got up from my seat with my second cup of tea and walked past the large group of followers that Lauren had gained.
"Hey Lila." The fake blonde called to me. I turned round ready for her.
"Say anything to me and I'll break your nose that daddy paid for." I warned her.
"Just because your daddy can't afford you a new one. Wait. Your daddy can't do anything now can he?" She smiled inhumanly. Low blow. I gulped back the emotions that were flooding to my head. I was waiting for Lauren to turn around a punch her but she didn't. She stood loyal at her side and looked completely oblivious to the comment that had just been hurtled at me. I was against a whole army of brainwashed clones that included my best friend. Worse I was against them alone.
"Thanks for sticking up for me friend." I said spitefully to Lauren and walked off. Last straw.
Krupt didn't have the power but I did. I was going to leave school. I didn't belong here and I certainly didn't want to be here anymore. I would just go back to my mum in England and go to a normal college. Everything would work out fine and I would actually fit in with everyone else around me.
I marched up to the front desk to see the friendly redhead sat there. I was hoping she wouldn't put up much of a fight because she was too nice to yell at.
"Oh Lila." She sounded chirpy. I really didn't want to shout at her. "I have an urgent letter here that just came in. It was just about to be delivered." More urgent letters? She handed me the thick yellow envelope that had my name written across it in print letters. It was not like any letter I usually got. I nodded to her and walked over to the side to open it.
I am afraid to say that your mother, Amy Louise Sawyer, has passed away on 24th October 2008. You are to remain in your school's custody until you're eighteen for legal reasons. Everything will be dealt with by the council and your family's money will be transferred into your trust account. We are deeply sorry. If you need any extra information please call us on the number supplied with the documents.
That was when my heart stopped. I flicked through the police documents that told me my mother was found dead in our living room from multiple bullet wounds early in the morning. My hands trembled like they hadn't trembled before as I stuffed all the paper back in the envelope. My vision began to blur and the floor suddenly seemed unstable. Through my patchy vision I saw Nick coming towards me quick. He caught me as my legs gave way and began to carry me up the stairs. I wasn't crying yet though. When we got into my empty dorm room he sat me on my bed and closed the door behind us. He even locked it.
Tears still failed to leave my eyes. I guess I was still in shock. My hand released its grip and the thick envelope fell to the ground.
"She's dead." It was all I could choke out and it was in a whisper. Nick's arms immediately cradled me as my sobs broke out. "Why?" I was still whispering.
"It's ok Lila. It's going to be ok. I'm here and you're safe." I grabbed hold of him tightly. I knew he was right and I felt completely safe with him: Completely.
"Don't go." I whispered into his shoulder.
"I won't." He promised as he stroked my hair. "I won't."
I woke up as the sentence we can do this one of two ways echoed in my head. My heart ached again and was worsened by my situation. I wanted to cry again and again but Nick was asleep on the chair next to me and I didn't want to wake him. Lauren was staying with another friend - most probably Jamie - while I was grieving but Nick still refused to sleep in her bed or even his own. He took my don't go a bit too seriously. I walked over to the bathroom and washed my face. There was an empty frame in front of where I stood where the mirror used to be. The mirror that I smashed. On the plus side my hand was almost healed. My stomach growled at me. I hadn't eaten in two days and my body was now reacting.
"I'm going to get in trouble if I starve you." Nick said leaning in the bathroom doorway with sleepy eyes. He rubbed his face and ruffled his hair.
"I'm fine really. You should go sleep in your own bed. You look awful."
"Gee thanks. Why are you comforting me? I should be comforting you. Let's go eat."
"The kitchen is closed." I tried to leave the bathroom but Nick blocked my way.
"Since when has that stopped you before?" He had mischievous eyes that made me smile. I shook my head but he still refused to let me get out. I had to think of a plan to get out. With a slight devious look I pounced on Nick with a hug. He stumbled backwards and let me out of the bathroom.
"You can't restrain me for long." I laughed and tried to let go of the hug but Nick wouldn't let me.
"Really? I think I can hold you like this for quite a while." I tried once more to pry away but I was too weak.
"What makes you think that?" I asked still hugging him.
"Because you like it." He whispered to me and his arms softened. I could have escaped now because he was no longer holding me like a vice - more like a friendly hug. But I didn't escape because he was right. I liked it. Instead I rested my head on his shoulder and lightly relaxed my hands that wrapped round his neck. His arms that grabbed around my waist pulled me closer to him and stroked my back. "Don't worry I like it too." He whispered contentedly.
"Why would it be in my best interest if I stopped hugging you right now?" I asked and Nick stopped stroking my back.
"What?" I pulled away from the hug.
"Krupt. She said that it was in my best interest if I stayed away from you. Why?" I asked not demanding but inquisitive.
"Lila you are completely ruining the moment." I laughed in embarrassment.
"What moment?" I asked dumbly. Nick rolled his sparkling brown eyes at me and went to sit on Lauren's bed. I sat on mine opposite him.
"I will tell you all you want to know later but right now Lila I thought you might be as distracted as I was." I looked in his sleepless eyes that looked slightly rejected.
"Get over here." I ordered and pointed at the spot next to me. He smiled a half-smile and sat next to me. I gave him a short but sweet hug and pulled away. "Sorry."
"I forgive you." He sounded almost intoxicated. "Want to eat?" He asked as he played with my hands - intertwining our fingers and tracing the lines of my palm.
"I'll wait until breakfast. You going to sleep in your bed?" I asked look down at our hands. He shook his head.
"Nope. Yours." He smiled and pushed me down to the bed and lead next to me. I burst out into a giggle fit. I muffled cheeky into his shoulder as he engulfed me into another hug. We slept like that.
"Early morning breakfast. How do you do it?" Nick asked me as we munched down our cooked breakfast. It was half five in the morning and I managed to get the kitchen to open early for me.
"I'm a flirt." I put my hand over my mouth to talk to stop the crumbs from toast flying out of my mouth. Once I had gulped down my mouthful I smiled at Nick.
"Very funny." He said eating a mouthful of scrambled eggs. I felt a foot bump mine and looked at Nick sternly. But apparently it wasn't an accident when his foot continued to rub against mine. My eyes widened and I looked at the expression on his face. It was like he wasn't doing anything. I gulped down and exhaled loudly. "Not that much of a flirt apparently."
"Nope." I squeaked. The foot stopped and Nick stared at me over the table.
"I liked last night. We should do it more often." He was still teasing me but verbal flirting I could handle.
"Definitely." I leaned in closer to him and smiled seductively.
"I take it back." I smiled in victory and lean back in my seat to finish my breakfast. I felt awful for being the slightest bit happy when my mum just died but I couldn't help it around Nick. I couldn't help but wonder if I would've dealt with my dad better if I had him there with me.
"What if I really am powerless?" I asked Nick as we laid top and tail on my bed. I was off of school again but Nick wasn't. That meant every spare moment that he wasn't teaching he was with me. That included nights.
"You're not. Stop saying that." I kicked his shoulder and he sat up to give me evil eyes. "And stop worrying."
"Fine." I sighed. "I haven't seen my parents since last Christmas. That's almost a year." Nick kept looking at me with sympathetic eyes. "I miss them."
"I know you do." I needed to take my mind off of my pain.
"Is it later yet?" Nick's face turned down and stood up. I sat up afraid that I had hurt him or made him angry. "Nick?" He grabbed his jacket and put his shoes on. He tossed me my pair of black trainers.
"Put them on. We're going for a walk."