Yes, I’m finally in a size 6. Everyone loves my new body and Azure is going stronger than ever. Well almost everyone. I have a few haters who are disappointed on my body change, claiming that they knew the role model phase would wear off and girls would once again witness the effects of the modelling world on yet another teenage girl. But if they were to experience it they’d realise just how hard it is to ignore the comments, the setbacks, and the criticism. They’ll notice that girls really don’t have it easy in this business and that eventually it gets to you and you crack and suddenly you aren’t skinny enough and you can’t lose the weight quick enough because all you want to hear is something positive about your body and career.
The other models attitude towards me hasn’t changed from before. They are still the same old frustrating, stuck up, pretentious snobs. The past week of travelling with them has been painful and I’m actually missing the apartment back home in the city. I’d do just about anything to get away from them.
Queen Bee Veronica has barely any control over me now. I fit into all the clothes now so comments about shoes making my ankles look fat, or you can’t wear that because your thighs are too big never come anymore. Instead I have great joy in watching her squirm as she gives me some of the best outfits to wear and is forced to treat me like she worships the very ground I walk on.
Yep being skinny definitely has its benefits but I wonder whether you can ever be skinny enough, even now I’m still get quietly pushed to lose more weight.
There is one thing I have noticed as I’ve lost the weight. And it’s definitely not a positive. I get these sudden, irregular queasy feelings that are followed by an intense light-headed feeling, as though my head is floating through the clouds. But as unnoticed as they some, they go again. But oh well, they aren’t really affecting anything.