Things have been spiralling out of control over the last month or so. I’ve fallen off two stages, as the heels on my shoes have just suddenly broken off as I’ve done my turn, making me fall backwards into the crowd, probably blessing some people with a look up my dress. I’ve had a couple of wardrobe malfunctions whilst wearing bikinis that was a memorable experience. I’ve never seen so many shocked faces at a fashion show. I’ve also had the sprinklers just randomly pour down on me as I did a show too. There have been more memorable moments whilst I was modelling then I thought there’d be. But not everything is enjoyable. The negative comments are getting worse as more and more people are changing their opinions as I publicly humiliate myself again and again. The comments are more like “Pippa-Rose is too heavy for her shoes.” or “Pippa-Rose is showing everyone why skinny, beautiful girls are models.” and “If Pippa-Rose was to lose a few kilos, she’d be one of the most beautiful and graceful models but as it stands her reputation is slowly sinking.”
There are also the endless snide comments from the other models but mainly “Queen Bee” Veronica, who isn’t actually a model like I first thought. She’s just the girl her makes sure that everything runs smoothly and is basically the one who is in control of the backstage work of each show. Her comments are worse than everything else I’ve had to put up with. They are like the icing on the cake. “Oh, I’m sorry Pippa-Rose but you’ll have to give me that dress. You’d burst the seams with a body that size.” You’re probably thinking that’s bad but it gets worse. “OMG!-Did you see Pippa’s wardrobe malfunction? Actually forget that I don’t think anyone could have missed it. She is such a disgrace for this company.” “Eww, have you like put on even more weight Pippa?” “Pippa you should really cut down on all those sweets we know you have a weakness for. It’s only weakening the strength of your career.” “Pippa-Rose you won’t be going on with the other models tonight during the swim suit section as your thighs are too fat for the swim suit you would have been modelling.” “Pippa-Rose you are not able to wear those shoes as it will make your ankles look fatter which leaves you with these (she brings out the ugliest pair of black heels I have ever seen).”
My bubble of happiness is diminishing, and my will to be a role model to other girls is fading. I don’t love my body anymore…in fact I’m beginning to hate it. Each new comment breaks my determination a little more. I barely eat anything anymore, and if I do get that urge to eat, it usually ends with me throwing everything back up. I’m exercising more but it seems like no matter what I do my thighs don’t get any skinnier. Aunty Reagan has noticed what I’m doing but there’s been no I told you so. She is just encouraging me to continue with what I’m doing, claiming the company will love me for it. Also that she’s proud of my accomplishments, as I’ve dropped a dress size in the past two weeks. It feels alright but I still don’t think I’ve lost enough to make the haters leave me alone or for Veronica to get off my back.