Confused....

i was born....ppl knw frm the very beginning wat they want frm their lives or frm themselves...but i cud never make out wat my life wanted frm me...and till date i am cluless and confused....

                                                         Chapter 1 : childhood

I was born as a girl in a middle class family to a very ambitious setof parents....My fathers ambition was to be very successfull in life and my mother's ambition was to raise three children and among those three the eldest one 'unfortunately being me' to be brought up with all moral values and married in a gud family...and to raise other two siblings of mine 'being boys' to be most successfull and yet more amitious guys.....wannabe's of the society...

Initially , i was the most loved one...being the eldest and the only gal child in my entire family....but things never remain the same...and as I was neither cindrella nor snow white....so i cud nt dream big....I was always aware of the status of my family ..Ppl say and i too have seen that mother shapes up childs future...and wen a gal is grown up ppl try finding her mom qualities in her....so my mother being a perfectionist always wanted her daughter to bethe most perfect...and practice for me started early....At and age of 11 my coaching of 'HOW TO BECOME A PERFECT WOMAN ' began....wen other mom's were busy giving career goals to their daughters, my mom was busy giving me lessons on being a gud housewife , a gud mom , a gud daughter in law and above all a gud housekeeper...and for hands on experience i was given two younger brothers to take care of....I was studying in class 5...and i knew how to knead dough and wipe floor and make round chapatis...

But my mom always thought that was nt enough.....And as i mentioned ours was a middle class family...the money pressure and frustrations were alwats shown upon me...As i grew up my moms frustration and want of more help in household grew....I by then had learnt everything.....almost everything....And for making things worse for me...i ended up being an average student....and my brothers extra intelligent at academics....Dad use to scold me for poor grades and mom despite knowing everyhting used to seek more support from dad for humliating me...

My brothers,and parents never gave any respect to me....I always ended up crying in lonliness and making  silence aroung me my best frnd....and i found my solace in nature and its elements.....Our's was a rented two BHK portion in a very big bunglaw ...and the half of the bunglaw was full of trees and gardens all over....

My love for poetry developed and i started penning down my love for nature by the medium of poems in a diary....i used to wake up early and sit in a garden and write abt birds, trees, flowers , seasons etc etc...but it had a sad fate..one day my mom caught me writing poems and she slapped me for nt studying at that hour of morning and nt even helping her in household....and she humiliated me in front of my brothers.....and all of them tore away my diary...While meeting any of my realtives my dad used to make a point of asking the grades of my cousins of same age...and then all of them used to laugh at me....By all this i became emotionally numb....i belived that tears never existed in my eyes.....i became more strong.....

But things on my side never changed...my moms behaviour and my dads attitude never changed or inspired me.....my brothers always found a part of there refreshment by joking abt me ......And bearing this all i reached in class 11(16 yrs)...

The End

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