Complete Chaos

 

She solemnly looked up at him, with the worst sense of sadness in her eyes. It killed every part of him to see her like this; he never meant for this to happen. Unfortunately, she didn’t know the half of it, and wasn’t about to listen to him if he tried to explain it to her. All she saw was what he had told her straight off. There was no room for interpretation in her mind, no room to possibly see that he wasn’t at fault. He couldn’t imagine how many different ways her mind was running with possibilities of the exact blueprint of what had happened, though he could tell that that was definitely happening. Wishing he could stop it but not knowing how, he just stood there looking uncomfortable and awkward because the ball was now in her court and he didn’t necessarily like it. What seemed like hours later, she gave him one last look of disappointment, and turned around to walk away. He watched her go, and then decided to go after her. Grabbing onto her arm, he latched on with desperation but she shook him off and kept walking without looking back once. The end had finally come, and it was nothing like he had expected.

...

I slept with her.” Andrew told her, in a voice that would have cracked if it hadn’t been so steady. She backed away from him towards the wall, not knowing what else to do with herself for fear she might fall. He tried to advance towards her, but she put a hand up telling him to stop. She wanted nothing to do with him right now, and the thought of his hands on someone else made her sick. She needed time. To think, to contemplate, to sort through what those four words he had just said really meant. This changed everything. Her entire life seemed to be going up in flames. She had invested so much time in him, and many of her friends had stopped hanging out with her because of it. She thought she had everything she wanted, but now it was gone. It was all…gone.

The sun streamed through her bedroom window the next morning, trying to persuade her that it would be a beautiful day. For the rest of the world, it probably would be. She opened her eyes to slits as she reluctantly lifted herself out of bed and placed her feet on the cold wood floor. Getting ready was always a challenge as she was not a morning person, but today was going to be even worse. All she wanted to do was be unconscious to the world and not have any contact with anyone, let alone the one who ripped her heart out the day before. She knew, however, that this was impossible. School was only an hour away, and with it brought him. Saying his name, acknowledging that he was human anymore was out of the question. She would not go another day hanging on his arm, looking like a fool. There was nothing he could say or do that would make her crawl back to him like so many other high school girls had done in the past with their own boyfriends. How ridiculous that word sounded now. Boy-Friend. It was so cliché, so ordinary, so young. What did it really mean, anyway? Apparently to him it meant nothing of consequence. He was still free to do whatever he wanted. She didn’t quite know why her mind was maturing faster than almost anyone’s in her grade. She was ready for a commitment from him, which may have been part of the reason she was taking this so hard. It hurt that much more that he treated the two of them like they were a trivial couple, something that could be thrown away without a second glance to see if that was the right thing to do.

It was probably better this way anyway. She had never wanted to be the one to call it quits, but she knew in her heart of hearts that he was no good for her. Things had been getting almost too comfortable as of late, and she didn’t want to ever be in a relationship where the only thing holding them together was the comfort factor. You couldn’t build on that. You were already as far as you were going to ever get with the person, and there was nothing left to learn, or you were too lazy to learn it. Still, it hurt to no end. She may have been comfortable, but she still loved him. There was not anything to be done to change that. The phrase “time heals all things” showed up on the marquis of subjects rolling through her mind at the moment and she stopped abruptly to think about it. Was it true? Doubtful. Most Hollywood sayings weren’t.

Amazed that she made it to school without getting into an accident, she rolled into the parking lot and parked in the same space she had been parking in for the last four years. The routine of it killed her, but it felt too normal, and right now that was what she needed. Normality. The school day was not about to be so kind as to give that to her, so she took what she was given and made the oh so long trek inside.

The buzz of the morning greeted her harshly as she walked through the double doors to get to her locker. It was always this loud in the morning, yet never this mean. It was like she had a hangover, all the noises hurting her head to no end. People said hello as always, and she gave them a smile that wouldn’t have fooled anyone if they weren’t so involved with themselves.

The metal clang her locker made as she shut it just added to the success of her day. She looked at the clock. 8:10. She would be in class in five minutes-someplace no one could say anything to her. It was a safe haven. Never thinking she would think that way in a million years, she almost ran to get there. Math had never been so inviting.

The cold of the desk was a jolt to her system, even though she had been expecting it to be this way. She was glad, at least, that she wasn't numb to the world just yet. That was bound to happen soon, and she was going to be as grateful for every moment she had left with reality. One half of her wanted to let go, be oblivious to the world around her, but the other half, for whatever stupid reason, was telling her to hold on. It was telling her that maybe, just maybe, she had heard him wrong the day before and he really HADN'T said what she thought she heard. What she knew she heard. Maybe it was telling her though, that he wasn't worth all the grieving if he was going to do this to her to begin with. No one deserved what he had done, and she deserved it less than most. She had been the most loyal, and loving partner anyone could have asked for, and then he turned around and treated her like none of what she did mattered. That wasn't going to fly. Not this time. Things like this had happened to her in the past, but not to this extent, and she knew she was worth more than what he had been giving her.

The End

1 comment about this story Feed