You must be naive and stupid if you can't see it...It's obvious on that paper he loves you.
Broderick's words echoed over and over again in my ear. They both thought I was asleep at that time, but I merely eavesdropped on their conversation.
I was released from that hospital that evening but was told strictly not to overuse my one leg. In other words, I was going to be on crutches for a long time afterwards.
So I slept from the time I got home from the hospital until the next morning. After that, I was forced to sit and continue brooding over Broderick's words and allow them to bury deeper into my skin and mind.
It's at these times when I think about a certain subject too much that I wish Zack was around to roll one for me. Pot would calm my head as well as the pain in my leg.
But unfortunately, Zack has been MIA since I arrived back at the dorm.
No Zack, no pot.
Is it? Can she read all of my feelings when I look at her? Everyone else can apparently, but can she?
Now it was Zack's voice that echoed in my head. What did he have to do with this?
Then it clicked. It was obvious, so obvious that I almost comically hit my forehead with my palm.
I needed to tell her, plain and simple. For telling her meant that she would know for sure.
It would be simpler if my leg wasn't broken though. Slouched in my computer chair I cursed my leg and the huge cast it was stuck in.
There was a knock at the door, "Come in, it's open."
Through the doorway came a small strawberry blonde, "Soph! I was just thinking about coming and talking to you!" But you know, easier said than done right now," I winked and rapped my cast with one of my crutches, "So...so how've you been?"
"Good, I've been good," but she hardly looked it. In fact she looked like she had been crying, her green eyes almost glowing against the redness around them.
I stared at my crutch, tapping it against the chair leg, "It sure doesn't appear that way."
She said nothing, and continued saying nothing. Speak, speak, tell, tell. But my mouth wouldn't budge, like it was cemented shut.
It was a challenge to say the simple words, "I have something to tell you."
I gave a little wince, knowing this was my way of stalling.
"I have something to tell you too."
"Well why else would I have come here?"
I shrugged, "To say a quick hello perhaps."
She turned away from me, "Cooper this is serious."
"I am being serious. Can't we say hello?"
She had put her hand to her face to tuck hair behind her ear when I saw it. It was quite a difficult thing to miss actually, "Wait," I used the crutch as a makeshift oar to pull the wheelie chair close to her, and, perhaps a little too rough, pulled her hand to my face so I could get an even better look at the ring. My insides felt like I had eaten a rock that ring's size and it was sitting useless in my chest, "What is this?"
She couldn't look me in the eye, "What does it look like?" The comment was supposed to be cruel, but for some reason it came out sad.
"Where does this leave us?"
"There is no us, simple as that," she turned and began walking towards the door but I wasn't finished. "I'm not done talking to you Sophie Farro so please get your ass back over here."
Even though I was told not to, I went ahead and used my crutches and stood up specifically so I could look down on her. There may have been tears in my eyes, but that didn't leave me feeling any less angry at her.
She did as I told her and she stood before me. She was trying to act calm and uncaring but that was not the story the tracks of tears rolling down her cheeks said.
"Now listen to me," I gulped, "Don't go and tell me there is no us. There is certainly an us and there always has been an us. Even if we never said with words how we felt, you know and I knew that there is an us."
"Coop, please don't make this more difficult than it has to be," she said while wincing.
"Fine, I'll make it easy for you," I sat back down, crossed my arms across my chest, and looked away from her, "It sickens me that you accept what he does to you. Let me say now that when he kills you, I'm not coming to say my final goodbyes to you. Now get the hell out of my dorm room, you fucking bitch."
Her lip gave a little quiver. More tears sprang from her eyes but she gave a short nod to me and walked out, closing the door behind her.
And when I was sure she wasn't close enough to hear me, I broke down. I cried. I cried for hours. How could I have been so stupid? She never loved me; I was just being used by her, the bitch. She had the choice between a man who looked like a god and me, who looked like...nothing.
At some point during my breakdown Zack came in and tried to say some words to me, even offered me his best pot, the stuff where the leaves are purple. But I denied the pot and his probably wise words.
For once I wanted to feel the pain, accepting it, rather than blocking it with drugs.
Yeah the hell it was. Even when the guy beats her, he is the better choice. Perhaps that's how the world works all the time.
It was probably nine at night when my phone vibrated. My face was still moist from the tears spilled from Sophie's cold words.
A phone number that I didn't know lit up the screen: Hey it's Ali. Heard ur back on the scene. Do I have the grl for u honey ;). Or u can always stick with me ;).
How did that slut of a girl get my number? And how did that spread so fast? Of course, the girl is in Sophie's sorority. I took a long hard look at Ali's text then studied the photos of Sophie and I, the sight of us happy together making my heart feel heavy.
It was true, the answer was obvious.