A full-time job after a huge break surely does create undeniable rumblings in your stomach. That's what is happening to me.. its been nearly 2 years, since i have taken up a full-time job. Been working from home but that never seemed full filling. Wanted to part of the band wangon who struggled. Wanted to be useful for myself which i never felt before. Still don't. Wanted to be happy which i haven't felt for a long time. Lack of happiness overall seems bothering.
I want to be good at what i do, but that achievement too strays away from me. I am here to do somehting very beautiful and fruitful which i haven't found yet. This job i though think does not measure my capacity of work but I am stil doing it because the freedom i might get from it. I have put so much pressure on myself and so much on hopes myself that i keep disappointing me time and again. Joining this place haven't given me the fufillment of a job but just some money in hand. I would in later on years consider this another of my failed choices. After knowing all this, i still choose to do this, which is somethign beyong my realm.