It's really just about death and the enjoyment of doing what you want still.
It was the beginning of the end, and that's how everything starts out. Life begins, and inevitably at the end of the journey there is exactly that. Everything eventually comes to an end, and when the end is looming near what should you do?
Izzie had found the answer to that question weeks ago when she had decided that contrary to orders, she felt like a breakfast burrito from one of the many fast food franchises that had covered the globe in their quick fatty hamburger patties and french fries along with other foods overloaded in calories.
The calories only added to the flavor as far as she was concerned.
"Your not supposed to have that." said her sister in a tone that teachers often reserved for their most aggravating students. As Izzie hobbled back into the living room, more intent on making her way to the bed than paying attention to her youngest sibling she looked down at the oh so offensive piece of chocolate cake that rested on top a styrofoam plate with it's little white plastic fork.
It sure looked good from her perspective, "Have what?" Izzie asked in mock stupidity. She could run the film strip for this arqument that was about to happen in the theater of her mind. That's how often it had played out in the recent months.
It had been the same story that her mother had spewed yesterday when Izzie had rounded the corner with a handful of peanut M&M's. It was also the same story she'd heard the last time that her sister had taken her god awful turn at Izzie's house and Izzie had asked for a hamburger.
"Chocolate cake, it's not a part of your diet."
Izzie placed the plate on the small nightstand next to her bed. Her once plain living room, that was never lived in now served as her bedroom. She spent more time watching T.V now than she did anything else. The bed was the most uncomfortable bed that she had ever slept on. Most people on their deathbeds were more concerned with the closing of their lifecycles than how much comfort a hospice bed gave out. The word hospice alone causes muscle spasms and shortness of breath. Izzie didn't agree with this death plan, "Who said?" After all comfort was important way before now, and she wasn't interested in a change of pace suddenly.
"The doctor on his last visit." Which was completely and utterly true. He'd shown up with an incredibly long list of do's and dont's and if it hadn't been for the sheer joy of at least spending her last days at home she would havetold him to shove his clipboard straight up his ass. If she had done that though she would have found herself in the hospital room that smelled of lysol, the only thing that covered up the smell of disease and death.
"Is it going to kill me? I don't think so. It's cake. I doubt it." There was the rare occassion, like that time that woman choked to death on a sandwich. Izzie knew how to chew up chocolate cake though. She wasn't old and aged, and all of her teeth worked perfectly fine except a few cavaties that she'd had filled years ago. So those didn't count.
Izzie fluffed the large overstuffed pillow and sat down. She reclined backwards onto the feather pillows. It was one of the luxuries that she had decided on when she'd been told that lots of bed rest would be the smartest idea, if only anyone told doctors how irritating and boring bed rest was they might not offer such a thing as treatment. Izzie picked up the plate and plastic fork placing both in her lap and very intent on taking a bite.
Tension boiled throughout the room when her sister said, "Why can't you just follow the rules! Hasn't it occured to you that you're about to die!" Because you just can't happen to forget that you're so much closer to death than everyone around you. You just can't forget you're dying, it's just not allowed. It's just not something you're supposed to do because heaven forbid you actually enjoy the last few days of the end.
"Of course it has, someone mentions it daily. I can't stop it though, can I? You could die driving home tonight, then i've outlived you at least. You can die at anytime. They just found a range of time for me." Not a single day had gone by in the past few months that someone hadn't mentioned her impending death. Izzie ignored the cake for a moment, putting her plastic fork back down. Each time someone had taken their turn at her house, at her bedside, they had felt the need to remind her that death was just a turn of the door knob away.
Dying wasn't much of a choice. It wasn't as if someone had given her an option in the matter. There wasn't much chance of her becoming a miracle either, there was just as much chance of a leprechun to slide down a rainbow and land on a unicorn as there was of her surviving. Yet just because there wasn't much choice in her future didnt mean she didnt have a say in how to spend her remaining days.
"The chocolate cake?" asked her sister, as if just the mention of the word death was going to make the cake any less appealing to Izzie. She wasn't about to throw away her yummy goodness. It hadn't made her throw away the M&M's. Though it had gotten her jipped out of a hamburger.
The last time she'd eaten a piece of chocolate cake had been over a year ago when she had first gotten the devasting news that she had cancer. Worse was the even more devasting news that there was nothing that could be done, just a lot of sitting and waiting. "I didn't savor the last piece I had. At least let me enjoy this." Izzie said, hoping to appeal to her youngest sisters sensitive side and quell the argument so she could enjoy this dessert without feeling bad later.All she wanted was a little taste of heaven on earth through a piece of moist cake
Her sister had a look of horror, like the face you made when you first watched It and noticed it was a clown in the drain. Eyes opened very wide. "How can you be like this, knowing that death is coming for you?"
"Death has been coming for months now. I'm pretty sure he lost my address. Why worry over something I can't change?" and that was the sad truth. She had found out that she was in the final stages of the mishap cancer caused on your body, thanks to a remission that jsut hadn't quite got the hint. SHe had a toe-tag wrapped around her toe, just waiting for the minute that she kicked over. The doctor couldn't give her much of a timeline, just that it would be soon enough. Was there anything Izzie could do? Yes. Stop listening to the doctor.
Izzie picked up the fork and stabbed the chocolate velvetness, ripping out a chocolate covered bite. "Your still going to eat that aren't you?" questioned her sister.
Just another day someone had to remind her, and just another die she was going to do what she wanted, because she didn't have the rest of her life anymore.
"Yes" said Izzie, lips closing over the mouthful of cake.