Chocolate BluesMature

Just a random one-shot about a cat and its human.


“Seriously, Ansa. Now is NOT the time for this!”

A redheaded woman with emerald green eyes shrieked as she narrowly avoided the ridiculously oversized meat cleaver, backpedaling furiously to keep out of reach of the masked maniac swiping  at her head.

“Oh, but I think this is the perfect time for this, Devi. That chocolate was a gift, you know.”

“A gift for ME!” Devi retorted indignantly, clearly out of breath as she continued to stumble backwards.

The redhead grunted as her back hit the side of a tree, and she ducked as her assailant made to take advantage of her vulnerable position. The cleaver thudded heavily into the trunk of the tree, the sheer force of the swing causing the blade to become so deeply embedded that the masked man struggled to remove it.

Seeing her chance, Devi scrambled away from the crazy person and took off along the edge of the meadow, clearly intent on putting as much distance between them as possible before they came after her again.

A marbled gray and black bengal watched the entire thing from its perch on a nearby boulder, amber eyes lidded heavily in a way that bespoke a great amount of irritation. Or boredom. Or a combination of both.

“Oh? -Your- gift?” The cat purred as the redhead drew closer to its position. “Didn’t you ultimately receive that because of me? If not for my stepping in, you along with that other guy, would have died for sure. You ought to be more appreciative of your benevolent guardian,” Ansa ended in pouty tones.

“HAH, benevolent my ass!” Devi snorted as she ran past the boulder, skidding to a halt and swearing loudly as the masked person flickered into view just before her. She was just barely able to dodge to the side, though not completely unscathed as the cleaver scored a thin line along the right side of her face. “ANSA!”

“That was Aegean chocolate, Devi. -Gourmet-. It doesn’t get any better than that.”

The man continued his relentless assault, and it was clear that Devi was starting to tire as he managed to knick her a few more times with the giant blade. The redhead cried out as she tripped and tumbled gracelessly over a protruding root in the ground.

“For fuck’s sake,” the cat sighed, already standing up and stretching languidly in a way that only cats could, before hopping off of the boulder.

Devi knew there was no way she could outmaneuver the man now, even as she tried to scoot hurriedly away from him. He raised his cleaver high, gripping the handle firmly with both hands before slamming it downwards. Clods of dirt exploded into the air as the blade cleaved into the ground, and the man looked around with confusion before spotting his prey, now being held up by the back of her shirt in the mouth of a giant feline.

“I can’t take you -anywhere-!” the cat grumbled, shaking its head back and forth much to the chagrin of the captured Devi.

“ACH-AHH, ALRIGHT ALRIGHT! Stop shaking me already! I’ll buy you more chocolate.”

“It better be AEGEAN,” Ansa emphasized before spitting the redhead out and turning to face the man. “I don’t do cheap.” The massive cat crouched low to the ground, muscles rippling powerfully in preparation as the masked person started to run towards them. The feline’s body began to crackle ominously with lightning, and once the man was in range, would disappear in a boom of thunder, kicking up clods of earth in its wake. When it reappeared, it would be a normal sized house cat again, licking casually at its paw behind the man that was now strangely frozen mid-run.

The man suddenly exploded in a strange black mist, leaving nothing but the giant cleaver behind as it landed blade first into the ground.

The cat offered a brief glance at the weapon before returning to its ministrations. “Looks Stygian to me. In which case, you’ll probably want to get those cuts looked at by a healer before they start rotting you from the inside out.”

“Great,” Devi responded dryly as she walked over to the weapon, picking it up and turning it from side to side as she inspected it curiously. “Collapse,” she murmured, and the cleaver was suddenly outlined in a bright blue light. When the glow dissipated, Devi was seen holding a silver octagonal disc the size of a large coin with an image of the cleaver imprinted on each side. “The shit I go through for these Artifacts,” Devi grumbled as she summoned the Book of Relics and placed the Stygian Cleaver in its proper spot.  ”Talk about someone who feels underappreciated around here….”

“Hmph. -I’m- the one who does all the work. All you do is run like the little weakling you-”

“And whose fault is THAT?” Devi snapped, unable to quell the sudden flare of rage. Ansa said nothing in response as it continued to lick at its paw, clearly properly chastised despite the cat’s overall bored demeanor. “I never asked for any of this.” Heaving a long suffering sigh, Devi forced any thoughts of the past to the back of her mind, not wanting to dwell on it any more than she already had. “Let’s just go home already.”

“You still owe me chocolate,” the cat commented as it fell in step with the departing redhead.

“Oh shut up, already.”

The End

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